How to Train a Wild Elephant_ And Other Adventures in Mindfulness - Jan Chozen Bays [12]
Once we eliminate those obvious activities, we come to a more subtle aspect of inattention—talking while eating. Our parents may have scolded us for talking with our mouths full, but we still find ourselves eating and talking simultaneously. While doing this task we learn to alternate eating and talking. In other words, if you want to talk, stop eating. Don’t do them at the same time.
It is so common to socialize while eating that you may discover that you feel awkward eating alone in a restaurant without reading or otherwise distracting yourself. You might imagine that people are thinking, “Poor thing, no friends.” You pick up a book or open your computer to show you are being productive and wouldn’t “waste time” by “just eating.” One problem with eating and doing other things is that it becomes “waist time,” that is, time for extra food to go down unnoticed and end up on your waist!
In Japan and parts of Europe it is very rude to walk and eat or drink at the same time. The only food you can eat in Japan while standing up or walking is an ice-cream cone, because it might melt. People will stare at the boorish foreigner who buys fast food and walks down the street munching. Even fast food is taken home, arranged attractively, and served at a table. Meals are times to slow down and truly enjoy the food, drink, and company.
DEEPER LESSONS
Why do we feel compelled to multitask, to not waste time by just eating? It seems that our self-worth is based upon how much we can produce in a day, or how many items we can cross off our long “to do” list. Eating and drinking are activities that don’t earn us money, a spouse, or a Nobel Prize, so we begin to think they have no value. During mindful-eating workshops many people say, “Oh, I just eat to get it over with so I can get on with my work.” What if the most important work we do each day is to be truly present, even for only thirty minutes? What if the most important gift we can give to the world is not any kind of product or present, but is, instead, our presence?
When we are not paying attention, it is as if the food did not exist. We can clean our plate and still feel dissatisfied. We will keep on eating, stopping only when we are over-full and uncomfortable. If we eat with mindful awareness, then the experience of eating even one bite becomes rich and varied. Then we can eat until we feel inner satisfaction rather than eating until we feel “stuffed.”
The Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh writes,
There are some people who eat an orange but don’t really eat it. They eat their sorrow, fear, anger; their past and future. They are not really present, with body and mind united. You need some training just to enjoy [your food]. It has come from the whole cosmos just for our nourishment . . . this is a miracle.
Final Words: When eating, just eat. When drinking, just drink. Mindfulness is the very best seasoning, for your food and for your entire life. Enjoy each bite, enjoy each moment!
6
True Compliments
The Exercise: Once a day, think of someone close to you—a family member, a friend, or a coworker—and give them a genuine compliment. The closer the person is to you, the better, such as a child or a parent. (It doesn’t count to tell a stranger at the post office that you like their scarf.) The more specific the compliment, the better. “I appreciate the way you answer the phone so cheerfully.”
Become aware also of any compliments other people give you. Investigate the purpose of compliments and the effect on you of being given a compliment.
REMINDING YOURSELF
Post the word “Praise” or “Compliment” in places where you’ll see it throughout the day.
DISCOVERIES
Some people report that they were resistant to this task at first, because they feared their compliments wouldn’t be genuine. They soon discovered many things they could be grateful for, and they were able to do the exercise. Some people realized as they did