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worthwhile by training for a better job. He passed twenty-one out of twenty-two tests to be certified in medical billing but never turned in the final test. He felt distracted, then paralyzed, and made up all kinds of reasons. On the surface it seems almost unbelievable, but if you understand the push-pull between I’m worthwhile and I’m worthless it all makes sense. He started out to prove he was worthwhile, but the I’m worthless side eventually sabotaged him. Even the offer of a friend to treat him to dinner and a night out if he finished was not sufficient to override the power of the worthless beliefs lodged deep within him. That’s the strength of our unconscious beliefs, the reason we start the diet and stop, why fitness centers are crowded the first few weeks in the new year and by Valentine’s day it’s back to the regulars.

Whenever we’re operating out of a false core belief, we risk sabotaging ourselves by getting on an endless treadmill, spinning between opposing parts vying for control. Our journey out of the trap is to realize these beliefs are false. They feel real, and they are deeply lodged inside, but if we can learn to step beyond them, like walking out of a force field, we can make changes.

If our friend Alan had realized a false core belief—a saboteur—was creeping into the picture, he could have named it instead of colluding with it by making up reasons and excuses. He could have realized that finishing the course didn’t prove anything about his worth. It was just a way to make his life easier. He also could have mustered support internally and said, “I’m going to get past this saboteur and do something good for myself.”

Caught in the Spin of False Core Beliefs

We have lost our way. The ego, which thinks the false core beliefs are true and real, has taken up residence in our mind. We’ve drifted away from the peaceful state of “I Am,” with its spontaneity and ease, and ended up in a spinning trap, tangled up in the dance of proving and disproving we’re good, lovable, worthwhile, powerful, or useful. To do this we’ve donned masks, created an image of ourselves, worked until we dropped, or have felt constant paralysis when we try to take charge of our lives. As a result we might feel anxious, depressed, and unhappy.

No matter how much money you accumulate, how big your successes, how many people you seduce, how many good deeds you do, no action or force of will can ever dispel the uneasiness stemming from a false core belief, for the simple reason that it’s false to begin with, just a concept or illusion. You can’t disprove something that is false to begin with. You can’t run away from it, overcome it, or conquer it—you have to meet it face to face and realize it’s all fiction. Gradually, while the thoughts may arise, you won’t grab hold of them, take them so seriously, or let them stab you in the heart.

22. Separate Your True Self from Your Created Image—A Road Map

To become unstuck, you need to develop a deep awareness of how you are driven by your false core beliefs. Start by noticing which ones ring most true for you. There might be more than one. In workshops we imagine going through a day in the life of a false core belief. For example, you could take the belief, “I’m inadequate,” or “I need to prove I am adequate” and track your day. What are your first thoughts when you wake up, what do you think about in the shower, what do you say to yourself if you have a bad hair day or nip yourself while shaving or trip over the dog dish? How does your false core belief relate to what you choose to wear or eat, or how much time you take in the morning?

Go through the day also noticing how this belief drives your thoughts—how much you caretake others, berate yourself, rationalize, blame others, try to convince yourself you’re okay, feel guilty, and so on. The purpose of becoming aware is to step back from your actions and thoughts so it’s more like watching the making of a movie. You don’t just see the drama; you see the director, the camera, and all the props. It shifts the whole effect.

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