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By Root 1040 0

people breathe into the heart area. Some people describe their experience as a sensation of the heart encased in a shell with wires around it, gray and lifeless, or covered with scar tissue. At the other end of the spectrum, others describe a softness, warmth, and ease, especially as they are grieving their losses and becoming more merciful with themselves. Other people feel nothing at all—the area around the heart feels disconnected and remote.

On your journey of getting unstuck and becoming free you need to soften the barriers around your heart. If you imagine how your unfinished grief, hurt, anger, and bitterness is creating holding patterns in your heart—dense, constricted, strained—it’s easy to understand how these feelings keep you from being able to love fully, create, make changes, or have full access to your wisdom. When you allow your grief and sorrow to be felt, a tremendous softening occurs and love becomes a natural state of being. You act and react in tune with your natural self, which is in an unaffected state of love and compassion. You naturally go beyond the common dualities of I and other—I need you, I own you, I want you. It’s the difference between doing life and being life.

To soften your heart, bring your awareness to the daily experiences in which you hold back, break agreements, feel ill at ease, want to run away, get defensive or anxious, or resist being present with your feelings. What would happen if instead of shutting down or running away you ease into your feelings and body sensations? You can remember that feelings are simply energy passing through you; they are all Buddha energy—Buddha being angry, Buddha being hurt, Buddha being deceptive, Buddha being joyful. There is nothing that is not Buddha energy, thus there is nothing to run from or label as bad or dangerous. And as you make friends with all parts of yourself, you will feel greater flow and ease in your body.

The mystics are relaxed at all times. When you lose your ease, you can say, “I’m so happy you brought this to my attention. This is really throwing me off. I’m not relaxed. I need to notice this deeply.”

—SHABDA KAHN, SUFI TEACHER

EXERCISE:

Exercises to Open the Heart

Don’t be discouraged if this takes time—the way of a peaceful heart is our life’s journey.

Softening the heart. Soften your belly, drop your shoulders, and breathe into the area around your heart. Imagine a relaxing, soothing, comforting energy coming down through your head, going through your neck and into your whole chest area, bringing even more energy into your heart. Stay with this for a while, continuing to focus on your heart.

Make friends with your protective walls. If you imagine a protective wall around your heart, touch it, feel it, be with it. Don’t try to tear it down; just get to know it. Be kind to it, and notice any memories or feelings that arise. Visit it often.

Play music or songs that bring joy to your heart.

Experiment with images of your heart as being cleared of all the obstructions, tension, and scars. Some people image streams of light energy, flowing water, friends helping and scrubbing, or being rocked tenderly in loving arms in a room bathed with a gentle light.

36. Be Wise About Lovers and Friendships

Part of living in reality is having the wisdom to pick out friends and lovers with whom you have a flow and a feeling of mutuality. Sometimes friendships are instantaneous, similar to falling in love, we meet a kindred spirit and feel a strong liking that continues for years. Sometimes those instantaneous feelings can mislead us. Other times friendships evolve over time.

You can’t make a friendship happen. Friendships are gifts that evolve with their own flow, rhythm, and pace. You can help them along by reciprocating and doing your part, but the magnetism happens at its own level. Even so, we need to modulate our instant attractions to others with wisdom from our past.

Here’s a basic premise for developing friendships that help you stay unstuck: go toward people who are reliable, responsive,