If the Buddha Got Stuck_ A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path - Charlotte Sophia Kasl [83]
Ask yourself, “What do you want more than anything else?”
50. Seventeen Strategies for Staying on Track
Taking action is a major challenge along the journey to getting unstuck. An even greater challenge is to keep on track, which often includes a struggle with our mounting inner resistance or our saboteurs. In the previous chapter we talked about dismantling them; in this chapter we’ll talk about how to dance around them.
Here’s what appears to happen internally: picture yourself with two parts inside—the “real you” who wants to make a change and the ego/saboteur who is afraid of change. When you start a new endeavor like taking time to relax, eating well, getting exercise, speaking more gently to your children, the ego isn’t worried at first; it thinks it’s just fun and games. The first few weeks often go well. But as you persevere, the ego’s existence is threatened. So the ego/ saboteur mounts a counterattack—it sneaks up on you, causing you to get distracted, bored, make rationalizations, and say, “Oh, what the heck, it’s not that important.” This is when you need to persevere no matter what! You need to develop strategies and do whatever it takes to keep going. Eventually, if you persist, the ego resistance will ease and the new habit will become part of you.
Here is a list developed from interviews with people who manage to complete tasks or creative endeavors and keep up with projects of all sorts, including self-care, opening up in a relationship, and new endeavors.
Do not demand perfection.Slips and slides are not the problem. Giving up is the problem. Just keep going back, again and again and again. A few moments of relaxation and conscious breathing are better than none; an apple is better than a Twinkie; clearing out one stack of clutter gives you one clear surface and some breathing room in your dwelling place. Remember, it’s better to do something fairly well over the long haul than to be perfect for a short time and then quit all together.
Have realistic expectations, be flexible, and start with small goals.Don’t set yourself up for failure. Don’t take on fixing up the whole house, hiking five miles a day, or eating perfectly. Make a list of little projects and be realistic about how long they each take. Allow a lot of latitude so you don’t build up resistance. Floss half your teeth. Sweep half the floor. Walk up the stairs a little faster. You want to sneak past your ego resistance a little bit at a time without mounting a head-on collision.
Develop strategies to make life easier.For example, if you’re trying to eat better, you might clear out the junk food, buy healthy prepackaged foods (washed salad greens or bags of cut up clean vegetables, or grated cheese), make a soup or a big pot of something good for several days, and freeze quarts of it to have handy.
Start with whatever is easiest.Scan your list of things to do and see which one seems easiest to start with. If you always proceed to the next easiest step, none will be so difficult.
Get help from a friend or be near other people.Sometimes it’s daunting to take on even a simple task alone. For many people it echoes a place inside that was alone and overwhelmed far too much as a child. It can be incredibly comforting to have a friendly face, a helping hand, some know-how to get the job done—from clearing out a closet, to taking a walk, to applying for a new job. Likewise, if you feel isolated, you can go to a library or bookstore that offers comfortable chairs to sit and read. You can take a walk where you’ll be near others. While solitude is restful, isolation tends to dull us.
Change the setting.I know several writers (including me) who go to a café to read over their manuscripts just to have a change of scene. If one setting pales, for anything from exercise, eating, walking, or meeting a friend, think of something that might be more appealing. Change the furniture around