It's My Life - Melody Carlson [11]
And then she just started to cry again, and I was thinking: Great, now I've really gone and done it. But somehow her crying this time seemed different. It didn't seem quite like that hopeless, pitiful, just-jump-off-a-cliff sort of crying that I'd heard on and off all week long. This seemed more like a giving-up sort of crying. Like, maybe she was just surrendering all of this crummy, impossible-to-understand stuff to God. Anyway, I sure hope that's what it was. And that's what I'm praying for tonight.
So, then we hugged and I could tell she was really tired, so I told her to go to bed and get some rest and then I came home. Big sigh. This has been a pretty tough week for me (and everyone else too). But tonight I glanced back over my diary and was embarrassingly reminded of how I was whining and complaining about wanting to have more fun last week. Well, I haven't even considered “fun” this week. All I can think about is how much we need God to get through this thing called life. ‘Cuz it sure ain't easy! And right now I just want Beanie to grab hold of God (like she'd been doing just a month or so ago) and then just never, ever let go of Him. Because I just don't think she (or I) can make it without Him.
DEAR GOD, PLEASE HELP US TO HANG ON TO YOU FOR ALL THAT WE'RE WORTH. AND HELP US TO NEVER, EVER LET GO. AMEN.
Sunday, July 29 (two weeks until Mexico!)
To my pleased surprise, Beanie came to church and youth group today. And she really seems better. Almost like her old self. Almost. And afterwards she came up and hugged me and thanked me for sticking with her through everything–and I could tell she really meant it.
Then she and I and Andrea went to the mall and acted like real teenage girls for a pleasant change. And I think Beanie enjoyed that. I'm sure it's the first time she's acted like a “normal” seventeen-year-old girl for months now. She's still a little sore from the accident and she has this ugly yellowish purple splotch on her fore-head. But other than that, to look at her, you almost wouldn't know all that she's been through.
I'd already told Andrea the whole Beanie story (in fact, everyone at church knows because Tony put her on the prayer chain earlier this week), and today Andrea was really sweet and kind to Beanie. Then after I dropped Andrea home, I brought Beanie over to my house and she stayed for dinner, and my family was also really nice to her. And she even started making some of her old jokes to Ben (strangely enough, those two actually get along really well!). Anyway, it seemed like she was trying to get it back together.
Then we went up to my room to listen to a new Geoff Moore CD I bought at the mall today (our youth group leader was talking about the lyrics in a song of his). And that's when Beanie really opened up about all the stuff that had gone on between her and Zach. Like the way he'd sought her out at the beginning, and how he'd been the one to push their relationship along to new levels (and last spring I had thought it was her!). Even how he'd pressured her to have sex. Okay, in all fairness, I must admit this might've been the way I was hearing what she was saying, and I suppose she might really have been saying it differently. But just the same, it was all I could do not to jump up and freak out about what a total jerk I thought he was. But I knew that would only upset her, and I could see she just needed to talk. And also, underneath everything she was saying (and despite what an absolute moron he is), I suspect she still cares for him deeply. Don't ask me why. Because I can't, for the life of me, come up with one single good reason. But I'm pretty sure she does.
Anyway, she told me in detail about everything she'd gone through in the past several months. (And let me tell you, it hasn't exactly been a walk through the mall!) But the hardest part for her was the way Zach had treated her after she told him she was pregnant. Now I (for one) had always thought she'd played down how badly she'd been hurt by him then, but I had no