It's My Life - Melody Carlson [37]
Well, Pastor Tony just smiled and said, “That's wonderful!” Now to tell the truth, I was hoping he'd say something like, “Well, Caitlin, you probably were just making an emotional response, based on the things you'd recently experienced in Mexico. Don't take it too seriously.”
But no, he says, “I think it's just fantastic! And I can really envision that for you. I'm sure you'd make a terrific missionary.”
“But do you think that I really heard God?” I asked doubtfully.
“Well, only you can know that for sure. But I don't see why not. God certainly does call some people to become missionaries. Some at even younger ages than you. I believe it could happen.”
Well, my face must've revealed my heart because Tony lightened up a little then. “But think of it like this, Caitlin,” he continued. “We all need to be missionaries. Like I said tonight, Jesus wants us to reach out to those around us. He's put us where we are for good reason. You can be a missionary without ever leaving home.”
I brightened. “Yeah, you're right. I hadn't thought of it like that.”
“And then–” he winked–“if God is really calling you to the foreign missions field, just think how much better prepared you'll be if you've been doing it all along at home.”
I nodded halfheartedly. “Yeah, I suppose that makes sense.”
He patted me on the back. “Don't worry about it. If it's God calling, nothing will bring you greater joy than answering.”
I tried to smile. “I'm sure you're right. Thanks.”
Well, I still don't feel any great joy about the foreign mission field, but it is a consolation to think about being a missionary right where I am. I mean, I realize how much the kids at school need God. If any place could use a missionary, it's probably Harrison High. I just don't know if I'm up to the task. Maybe I'll ask Beanie what she thinks.
Friday, September 7 (strange thing)
Well, I did tell Beanie about what Tony said (just about reaching out to our high school, NOT about the foreign missionary business!), and so we've actually been praying on our way to school this week. We're asking that God will use us to reach others and that He'll show us who needs to be reached. And Beanie starts listing off all these kids who've got problems at home or school–kids I would've called “losers” last year. But not anymore. And so I'm looking for ways to reach out to them. And it's amazing how surprised someone can be when she figures out you're for real and not just jerking her chain. I think I've actually started a couple of new relationships.
So, guess what happens next? Jenny Lambert comes up to me right before English Lit and starts talking to me, saying how she misses me and wants to be friends again, and all this stuff. “Of course,” I say. “Why not?” But at the same time I'm feeling half flattered and half confused. Like, how does this fit into my plan of being a missionary at school? I mean, because I really do like Jenny (okay, I might not have liked everything she did last year, but as a person, I think she's okay). And we actually had fun together. But how can I be a “missionary” to someone like Jenny? And furthermore, how would I explain it to Beanie? Especially when it was greatly due to my friendship with Jenny (last year) that I dumped Beanie like yesterday's news. So now I'm in a quandary and I'm not sure what to do. Other than to pray.
DEAR GOD, SHOW ME WHAT TO DO. CAN I POSSIBLY BE JENNY'S FRIEND AND REMAIN LOYAL TO BEANIE? AM I ONLY WANTING TO BE JENNY'S FRIEND BECAUSE SHE'S SO POPULAR AND IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN? AND IF I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A “MISSIONARY,” I'M SURE I SHOULDN'T BE HAVING FUN IN THE FIRST PLACE. OH, PLEASE SHOW ME WHAT YOU WANT. AMEN.
TWELVE
Saturday, September 8 (a fun day)
Jenny called this morning to invite me to go out to the lake with her family. And since it was predicted to be in the nineties today, I gladly agreed. They have a really cool boat with a cabin and everything, but it's still fast enough to pull water-skiers. I've only water-skied a few times but managed to get up after only one