Life! By Design_ 6 Steps to an Extraordinary You - Laura Morton [1]
“Monday through Sunday.”
This was the answer I’d feared, and expected. She worked virtually all the time. Most importantly, she hadn’t been able, or willing, to be home on the weekends with her family.
“And how is that working for you?” I asked with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek, knowing full well it wasn’t working for her at all.
It was obvious that every choice she made had driven her to incredible levels of success in her business but had also pushed her personal life into a state of crisis. Most of us overcompensate in one area of our lives as a way of masking problems in other areas. I have dozens of clients who throw themselves into work as a way of avoiding dealing with troubles in other aspects of their lives, such as their marriage, relationships, finances, and health. When I ask if they know why they do that, most of them come back with some excuse or another, but never a valid reason.
But there is a reason; there’s always a reason. For most of us, it’s easier—or we imagine it’s easier—to keep slogging forward on autopilot, what I call living by default, than to ask ourselves the hard questions and make the necessary changes to live By Design. Living by default means choosing to live with pain and disappointment, falling short of our potential in every area of our lives.
Why do we choose this? Is being stagnant really easier than facing change? When you think about it, how easy is it to deal with daily struggle, self-pity, and failure?
Here’s the thing. To achieve real change and growth, you have to decide what you’re not taking responsibility for in life.
What are you avoiding?
For some of us it’s pain—and for others intimacy. Maybe you feel lost, bored, or unchallenged at work. Perhaps you’re afraid of change or have become so comfortable in your present state that any thought of disturbing your seemingly peaceful existence scares you to death. Whatever your reasons, it’s time to call out the white elephant, assume responsibility, make some new choices, and then take action.
To test Mary’s commitment, I asked if she’d be willing to cancel all of her open houses for the upcoming weekend and create a different approach to being a mother and a wife.
She began to cry because, although my suggestion was a simple one, it represented an entirely different way of life for her. But it was clear she wanted to try, so I gave her an immediate task.
“I want you to go buy the strongest sunblock you can find, grab your kids, and head to the beach.” I told her to keep driving west until she saw the infinite blue Pacific in front of her. She was taking notes furiously as I spoke.
“Pack a picnic lunch. Got it.
“Bury the kids in the sand. Got it.
“Toss the Frisbee. Got it.”
Yup. She was taking notes on how best to ensure a day of fun at the beach with her kids. That’s how bad it had gotten for Mary, and how desperately important it was to her that she get it right.
And boy did she ever. Sixty days after that first conversation, her marriage was back on track, and she had become an extraordinary hands-on mother who spent more time with her children, made them dinner, and even helped them do their homework. And as happy as she was about this outcome, she was just as astonished to discover that her sales had actually gone up at work. By choosing to work fewer hours, she was forced to be more efficient. As a result she became the number-ten-ranked real estate agent in the country (up from number sixteen) by taking more weekends off!
We completely shifted how she operated in her life.
How did we accomplish this? What was the process by which Mary came to recognize that she’d been living by default? How did she face her fears, assess and reorient her priorities, and manage to get everything she wanted? This—learning how