Meandering Mind - Eva Dillner [52]
Back to my Ottawa friend. It brought up tears of not having been supported in the past. Of how much energy it takes to do everything on my own, how exhausting it is to be the driving force and not really get any help. As my tears bubbled through, I thought of a conversation I had with my brother's sister-in-law. She was telling me how she helped my brother get a job back in their hometown. She went to bat for him. She had gone to High School with the owner of the company and used that connection to ask him to seriously consider my brother, even though he was “overqualified.” Now that's support. And it makes me sad that I haven't had that kind of support. It's always up to me alone to make connections. It makes me very sad. Correction – it has been true in the past, up to now.
And again how when I lost my job I lost my income, and how much I miss having an income (Cornucopia at work). I miss being a part of a larger context and I miss having an income that supports me. I miss having support. The other night I was talking to another friend who also has done a lot of women firsts. Now she wouldn't mind being a Mrs. and being supported, in an independent way of course. I have no idea what it would be like to be taken care of. I suspect I would like it. I like being doted on.
After starting the group Play with Possibilities I talked to several people who would have been interested in coming, but only to get, for free, without giving anything in return. They felt that one shouldn't have to pay for courses. Part of the Swedish mentality and system. What it brought up for me is I want to get paid. I no longer am willing to do it for free. It's quite a shift in my perspective and attitude. I am no longer willing to let people take advantage of me.
I know it's a popular belief in the new age community that one should do what one loves and do it for free and that will lead you to abundance. I believe we should do what we love and if in our hearts we want to give it for free then it's appropriate. We also don't need to be doormats. We can stand up for ourselves in the marketplace of life and demand to be paid what we are worth.
Perhaps the trick in networking and support is to find the mates who operate on the same principles as you do. Where there truly is support and exchange. We help each other. We aren't only in it for what it can do for me. My connection in Ottawa may have help of some of my contacts. So often I have helped people with information and connections, then after awhile I realize it's been a one-way street. The energy exchange is rarely 50/50 but if one is always giving or providing and not being fed in return then it's time to make a spring cleaning of the network connections.
Pondering Cornucopia, I now want to make money, to be a part of life, to participate and to be paid well. I am no longer content to sit at the sidelines and be a spectator. I want my money and I want it now. I want a more affluent lifestyle. That wasn't my wish when I moved here to my little house in the country. I almost felt guilty when I went to the Create your Future seminars and my wish was so basic, others were putting goals out there for big material things and big jobs and on and on. But we go through different stages in our lives. I've done the heavy duty career I've done the contemplate the inner worlds, now I want the freedom to travel, income, something bigger to do, companionship and live in the flow. I want what God wants for me. I believe God wants us to be happy and live rich lives - materially, emotionally, physically and spiritually - that is the Divine Design.
Twenty
My beliefs are not your beliefs
I've had several run-ins with friends over beliefs about relationships. Because the material triggered has had such a strong emotional charge, my friends have unwittingly tried to impose their beliefs on me. Why