Meandering Mind - Eva Dillner [65]
Why is he or she out and about anyway? In couples where both feel that they have found the love of their life, that they are with the one they were meant to be with, the need for extramarital affairs seems to go away. There is no need to look outside the relationship. I can't say if this is always true, but it appears to be in many cases. However, most relationships aren't that way. Many would rather be with someone than be alone. And hey we might as well practice until Mr. or Ms. right walks in.
Love is not about control and manipulation, although some people seem to think so. Love is about acceptance and freedom. Perhaps this is such a hot topic for me as I've had boyfriends as well as women friends who have wanted to own me. I hate ownership. I get claustrophobic when someone tries to limit me. I withdraw when someone demands that I buy into his or her agenda.
Twenty-Five
Joyful moments exercise
Here is an exercise to help you get to know yourself and useful as a dialogue tool for couples and groups. I call it the joyful moments exercise. I came across it when I was working on career issues, really trying to understand what was important to me.
Get out some pen and paper and quiet yourself. You are going to focus your attention on happy moments in your life. Think back and ask yourself, start to ponder, what were the happiest moments in my life? What events do I remember most clearly? When did life seem to vibrate around me? When have I felt content and happy and in love with the world? What moments do I remember with joy in my heart?
Write down the events that come into your awareness. I was quite surprised when I did this exercise. All the things I had been taught should be important to me, you know big events like job promotions, marriage and buying a house, were not on the list of my joyful moments. No, it was simple things like playing on the see-saw with a friend and colleague, eating oranges and laughing, seeing the Christmas lights on Champs-Elysees, walking in the crunchy snow under a starlit sky, driving to work along the Seine early in the morning, making eye contact with a special friend, drinking tea with friends, smelling roses, or swimming in the sea. The most significant moments were not what I expected!
While rummaging through my files I found the original exercise I had done. I've included it here as I think it may help you to get started on your list:
Moments of pleasure, those special moments we remember. I thought I'd write this to get in touch with what I consider special, what is it that I really treasure in life, what is important and what is it that I remember.
On the seesaw with my friend and colleague. Laughing, just enjoying the moment, feeling the soft warm breeze, enjoying the serenity of nature, the spontaneity of getting on the seesaw, the image of one of our coworkers seeing us - that sure looked like our managers - but it couldn't be, they are too serious and work dedicated to do that. The fun of playing, really innocent fun. We were eating oranges as we did this. Really good ones we had picked up in Orange. And I had a terrible cold, but it never bothered me when I was with my buddy.
The excitement of taking the Hovercraft from Dover to Boulogne, the adventure, not having done it before, the satisfaction of I dared to do it.
Soaking up the sun sitting on the ferry from Dieppe to Newhaven. Such peace and serenity. Again I was alone.
Making love to one of my entity mates. The complete focus on each other. The way he ran his fingers through my hair, sang to me, danced with me, looked at me, and talked to me. So intense and so full of love. That complete surrounding of him and he wasn't preoccupied