Middle of Everywhere - Mary Bray Pipher [122]
Good Moral Character
Good character is vital to success. Honesty, responsibility, and loyalty all help newcomers succeed. One of the joys of writing this book was that I met many heroes. Joseph worked to support his siblings and studied bleary-eyed for his GED. Often I could hear his stomach rumbling with hunger. Leda commuted hours to a job that made her cry, then on weekends she cooked meals of nourishing Iraqi food and cleaned the house. Deena from Sycamore School helped her overwhelmed family cope with their first year in America. She found time to pull Trinh, a withdrawn Vietnamese girl, into the life of the school.
CROSS-CULTURAL HEALING
Freya Stark wrote that "People who have gone through sorrow are more sympathetic, not so much because of what they know about sorrow but because they know more about happiness—they appreciate its value and fragility and welcome it wherever it may be."
Laughter, music, prayer, touch, truth telling, and forgiveness are universal methods of healing. Talking to friends, sharing food, enjoying children, and watching the stars have soothed us humans for thousands of years. Many cultures have healing ceremonies, purification and forgiveness rituals, often with a spiritual component. Karl Marx called religion the opium of the people. Described more kindly, religion is the healing balm for all people. Faith is an important aspect of healing, faith that one's suffering has not been in vain and that the future will be better.
Traditional healers and customs work because they are believed to work. Almost all mental health cures are about placebo effects. Placebo effects aren't negligible. They are about hope and faith. Langston Hughes wrote, "Hold on to dreams for when dreams go / Life is a barren field frozen with snow."
In the Middle East, troubled people often visit "saint's houses." Usually these are peaceful retreats with kind people to assist the travelers. The guests visit with food to share. They pray, cry, talk to others, and rest. Most return home feeling much better.
Buddhism has an ancient and sophisticated set of practices for calming and healing. Breathing properly, meditating, and focusing on the impermanence of all things are healing activities. In fact, some of our most successful psychotherapy incorporates aspects of Buddhism.
Praying works whether or not people believe in God. Prayer is a more active, trusting process than worrying. It is more calming and hopeful. Talking to God is generally more satisfying to people than talking to Freud. Also, with prayer, there is no need for diagnosis, treatment, or authorization from managed-care representatives.
Rituals are often part of healing. They vary in their depth and intensity. Sometimes they reflect deep cultural values, sometimes they merely allow people to go on with their lives. They mark transitions and allow the next step. They acknowledge that something has happened and allow people to say what needs to be said. The flower ceremony at Sycamore School was a simple ritual that helped the children heal from loss.
Art is also a great connector. Art and music don't require a common language, they are a language. They allow people to express pain they may not be able to communicate in any other way. Sometimes art allows people to transcend pain, to turn pain into meaning and beauty.
Refugees seem to understand the value of positive emotions and joyful events. There is an Iraqi saying, Three things are calming—the color of grass, water, and the face of a beautiful woman. Latinos have all-night fiestas. The Vietnamese are masters of potlucks. All cultures like food, dance, music, and parties. The Africans came from places where whole villages of people had been slaughtered and children had been stolen from