Middle of Everywhere - Mary Bray Pipher [123]
Social activism provides meaning and assuages survivor guilt. Documenting the abuses of an authoritarian regime or working for human rights is what saves many victims of a repressive government. Bringing family over from the old country is profoundly healing. Toni Morrison put it well when she said, "The purpose of freedom is to free someone else."
Refugees are great role models for resilience. They don't fit our theories. With all their stress and sadness they should be the most miserable of people. Still, for most, healing occurs with the tincture of time. Slowly most people learn to relax and trust again. And after trauma, instead of being bitter, many people become more loving and more appreciative of life. They often describe their characters as greatly improved by their experiences. They see the world in a more layered, complex, and empathic way.
After a few years, refugees find themselves humming as they walk to work or smiling as they hang clothes on a spring morning. They have babies, learn how to e-mail their friends, and form neighborhood support systems. In fact, refugee communities are often our most vibrant, bustling, and hopeful communities, filled with people who believe in the American dream.
HEALING PACKAGES
Sara Alexander, a psychologist from Boston, talked about her collaborative work with refugees to create "healing packages." She helped refugees design healing packages from a smorgasbord of activities that included reading to children, exercising, finding a mosque, taking a class in English, looking for a better job, or going out to eat. Healing packages were about joy, contentment, recreation, physical pleasure, rest, and social connection. Not all refugees included psychotherapy in their healing packages.
This lack of interest in therapy is quite consistent with the findings from Thrive. Refugees chose circuses and dances, GED classes and job fairs, over opportunities to talk to mental health professionals. Thrive mentors demonstrated that refugees could only be helped when they were seen as whole people with physical, spiritual, social, intellectual, and vocational needs. They also showed us the importance of love, work, fun, and community in healing.
However, therapists can be part of healing packages, especially if we take a problem-solving or psycho-educational approach. An educational approach involves sharing information or teaching skills such as stress management, assertiveness, or relaxation techniques. Many newcomers resist psychotherapy, but most people like to learn. Education carries no stigma, no shame, and no hierarchy.
Psycho-education can help people look at the circumstances at the time of their trauma and understand that they were powerless to stop certain events. Just because they felt vulnerable and frightened doesn't mean they were weak. A mother whose baby starved needs to hear, "You did all you could. There was nothing to eat." A father whose son washed away in a river needs to hear, "You could not help how swiftly the current flowed."
Therapists' best work emphasizes empowerment and control. Identifying strengths and celebrating victories build trust and pride. It is good to ask, "How did you survive all this? What helped you stay sane?" Or, "Are there things you did that you feel proud of?" It's good to find out what people do well and encourage them to do more.
Therapists will be more useful to refugees if we broaden our roles and become cultural brokers, college advisers, drivers, teachers, case managers, advocates, or cooks. We can help with life planning, mediation, money and time management, and strength building. We can ask people to elaborate on their strengths, although