Mugglenet.com's Harry Potter Should Have Died - Emerson Spartz [17]
And then there is the whole-yolk reason for the scene: the Golden Egg. Earlier when Harry opened it in the Gryffindor Common Room, it shrieked loudly. (That scene was actually a runner-up for this category because Harry grins broadly and says, “Who wants me to open it? Do you want me to open it?” It’s like a cheese and corn omelette.) But getting back to the bathroom, Myrtle gets closer and closer to naked Harry—ewww again—until she tells him the “other boy” put the egg under the water. (Great—she’s been slithering around the tub with Cedric, too.) But under the soapsuds we go, while Myrtle waves her hands around the precious egg, which is a tacky movie prop that looks like a round lava lamp full of hair gel. And lo, it opens and starts to sing the clear mermaid song, but no one ever listens because they quickly hit the “stop” button or fast-forward to the death of Cedric. Viewers who actually watch that scene need a shower afterward to rinse away the cheese residue.
The Return of Hermione and Hagrid (CoS)
Well, at least Myrtle in the bathtub with the egg is “supposed” to be funny—that’s what all the giggling is about. But there’s another scene that is totally cheesy because it’s meant to be sweet and inspirational, but turns out all goofy and pointless. That’s the scene called “Welcome Back” at the end of CoS. For a scene that goes on and on, it has a simple theme—everyone comes back—surprise! Hermione gets sprung from the hospital wing where she’s been Petrified, and Hagrid comes back from Azkaban. It should take all of three minutes, but it’s more like being trapped in an extra-cheese calzone for three weeks.
This is the scene that gave us a big “shipping” clue about the future love interest of Hermione. She runs with leaps and bounds (thankfully not in slow-motion) into the platonic arms of huggable Harry, but then gets all flustered and shy over nearly mute and stuttering Ron. The lack of talking and physical contact of any kind was a clear sign that Hermione and Ron were meant to be together. But it was not totally and completely obvious. Ahem. This reunion is dripping with cheddary goodness, but the “big” helping of gooey mozzarella is still to come.
After Dumbledore makes a speech—Yay for the Mandrake Potion and exams being canceled—the fondue separates . . . no . . . the door opens, and in walks the big guy, Rubeus Hagrid. Now forget the fact that no one has thought about Hagrid at all for the past few scenes because Hermione hasn’t been there to remind them. Forget the fact that most viewers haven’t even noticed he was gone. He has got to be welcomed with hoopla and hoop cheese, hugs, and frozen grins. Eventually, the cheesiest line in the whole entire series is spoken, with Harry staring at Hagrid like a basilisk. No, a cheese-laden owl: “It’s not Hogwarts without you, Hagrid.”
The rest of it is probably written in the script this way: smile, smile, hug. Dumbledore claps so slowly you might think his hand is Horcruxed already, McGonagall smiles, Hagrid smiles, Harry claps, then grins with extra Parmesan sprinkled on top. (Is it over yet? No, you clown!) Hufflepuffs clap as if they can’t get their hands to meet together. Slytherins clap—but only the nameless “good” ones, as unsmiling Draco forces Crabbe to sit down. (Why is that bad? No one knows what they are clapping for anyway.)
Then every child in the room gets up suddenly and runs toward Hagrid for some inexplicable reason, and the group hugs and handshakes go on for another ten minutes until it all starts to smell