My Journey with Farrah - Alana Stewart [53]
I had put it in God’s hands, and God worked it out. It took a huge load off of me—especially the worry about leaving Farrah. At least Sean knows I was going to show up for him until the producers made it impossible. I learned something very important from this experience, something I’ve seen over and over in the past: if I can just give a difficult situation to God, have faith, and let my mind be peaceful instead of being stressed out and anxious, it will all work out. It always does. And yet it seems I still have to be practically hit over the head with it before I finally get it. Sometimes fear can be so powerful that my faith temporarily goes out the window.
June 28, 2008
It’s starting to seem like we’ll never get out of here. As of now, we’re booked to leave on Tuesday, but Farrah was sick again today. I’ve never seen her so weak and frail. Every time she eats, she gets nauseated and throws up. Dr. Jacob says it’s because her liver is still so swollen from the perfusion as well as the three surgeries before it. I feel like they’re doing way too much to her body. I’m afraid they’re going to kill her trying to cure her. I’m starting to think about getting her home on an ambulance plane and putting her into St. John’s in L.A. I have faith in Dr. Jacob—and there’s no one more brilliant in her approach to treating cancer—but she does really push the limits.
I went by Mimmo’s for lunch and sat outside in the garden at his special table, tucked away under an arbor of green trees and surrounded by colorful summer flowers. As I sat looking out at the people dining under the azure blue umbrellas, the tables covered with crisp white linens, I had the most fabulous lunch: a salad of arugula and Pecorino, and homemade macaroni with turkey Bolognese.
When he came over to join me and have his lunch, Mimmo said he had to leave early because he had a pedicure appointment. I couldn’t believe it! I said I’d never seen a man do so much to himself—pedicures, bronzing, bicycling, spinning, working out at the gym. But am I forgetting who I was married to? Rod, when I met him, wore leopard stretch pants and eye makeup (only on-stage, thank God) and was very high maintenance. Then there’s George, who has more shoes than Imelda Marcos and Ivana Trump put together, and who takes longer to get ready to go out than I do.
Mimmo said it was very important to him to be well groomed, and also for any woman he’s with to be the same. I was glad I wasn’t wearing sandals. I haven’t had a pedicure in six weeks. Somehow cancer, Farrah’s and mine, has trumped manicures, pedicures, and getting roots done.
I told him I felt things were different between us and asked if he felt it, too. He said that when he came back after his last trip to Los Angeles, he missed me so much that it was very painful for him. He said he realized that there was no way we could see each other more than a few times a year and that he felt he had to pull back a little to “protect his heart.”
It felt good to clear the air and talk about our feelings, but I don’t think either of us knows where to go from here. Will we become just friends? I guess time will sort it out. We don’t have any future that I can see. I’m not in love with him…or am I? I surely can’t imagine myself married to him. It’s kind of sad. It’s been a lovely romance, but maybe it’s time for it to end.
June 29, 2008
Yet another crisis! Farrah’s much better, thank God, and wants to leave on Tuesday, but now there are other issues with the kids.
Kimberly called and said she’s really having a hard time and wants to come here. When it comes to the kids, I know Rod always thinks that I’m overprotective, and that they’re grown and should be able to handle their own lives. That’s true, to a large extent, but kids sometimes need some help and support from their parents, no matter what their age. She’s just moved to another country, which alone is incredibly stressful, but she