My Reality Check Bounced! - Jason Ryan Dorsey [36]
Whatever your intentions, to effectively represent your side in a disagreement, you must know how to listen to the other person’s view. When you listen to the other person’s view, you put her in a position in which she has to listen to yours. If she doesn’t, she automatically appears small-minded and hardheaded, which takes away from her credibility. In doing this, you also force her to listen to your side of the argument which gives you a chance to persuade her of your reasoning. Best of all, when you make the effort to understand the other person’s perspective you are heightening your senses to find the weak links in her argument.
If you want to really position yourself to come out on top in an argument, send the signal that you value the other person’s opinion so much that you need to carefully consider it. Then go ahead and make the decision that fits what you believe to be true. By showing that you seriously considered her view, you are more likely to leave an unsettled argument not as enemies but as adults who are mature enough to agree to disagree.
TO PLUG IN: If your argument is getting too heated and you need to slow it down, take out a piece of paper and with the help of the other person write down point by point what you’re disagreeing on and why.
3. Be the meeting master. Meetings are a necessary but time-consuming part of life whether the meeting involves three people or three hundred. This is true if you’re in grad school, working at a Fortune 500 company, or planning your wedding. So when it’s your turn to host a meeting, set yourself up to receive major kudos as a meeting master. You do this by keeping the meeting fun, focused, inclusive, and outcome driven.
To be a meeting master
• Decide on a few simple ground rules before you start the meeting. This gives everyone equal footing and gets the meeting off to a positive start.
• Share the meeting’s agenda with all participants in advance. This gets everyone on the same page and makes the desired outcomes clear from the beginning.
• Allow meeting participants to offer changes to the agenda, as long as they do so in advance. Also assign premeeting responsibilities as necessary. These could include taking notes, bringing food, and securing a meeting place.
• Have some visual reinforcement that keeps the meeting’s bigger mission in focus. This could be a picture, quote, memento, book, or handout.
• Move the meeting along at a good pace. If someone is monopolizing the conversation or adding interesting but unnecessary facts, be the one who politely gets the meeting back on track.
• Before the meeting concludes, get clear on next steps, timelines, and individual commitments. Depending on the purpose of the meeting, you may want one person to e-mail the commitments and corresponding timeline to all attendees afterward.
Leading a meeting gives you the chance to show your leadership skills. Listen to what people say, guide healthy debate, and keep the meeting moving forward. Remember, she who sets the agenda has the power.
TO PLUG IN: Step up and offer to lead a meeting for your group or organization.
4. Be true to your word. There is no bond as important, or as fragile, as the commitments you make. If you couldn’t make and keep commitments, you wouldn’t be able to borrow money from a bank, marry your true love, or be part of a functioning government. Thank goodness you get to be half of a commitment!
How well you keep your commitments establishes your reputation. If you’re a twentysomething, you have a long road ahead. Get a bad reputation early and you add more challenges to your drive toward your Future Picture. Send a clear signal to the world that you can be trusted and accountable by keeping all the commitments you make.
This includes those teeny, tiny commitments you sometimes undervalue, such as being on time to meet friends, paying your credit-card bills, and remembering an anniversary. If you’re ever in doubt whether to make a