My Reality Check Bounced! - Jason Ryan Dorsey [49]
The three strongest memories you have between ages 21 and 30 are
1.
2.
3.
The three strongest memories you have after age 30 are
1.
2.
3.
The emotionally powerful memories you just listed are your Decade Defining Moments (DDMs). These are the events in your past that, decade by decade, shaped who you are today. Some are good, some are bad, but all are unforgettable. Some helped you grow stronger immediately, whereas others took a while to recover from—but either way you carry a piece of them with you. For example, if you were teased as a kid for being overweight you might never get over it and miss how truly beautiful you are. Or you might have a memory of a boyfriend or girlfriend who broke your heart and as a result you never let anyone close again, which keeps you from ever realizing one snapshot within your Future Picture.
Once you choose to move beyond the emotional grip of your bad memories, you free yourself to focus all your energy on creating the future you want.
CUTTING THE ANCHORS OF YOUR PAST
Circle or star the three DDMs you believe have most negatively affected your life. These experiences clearly stand out in influence from the other significant memories you listed. These are the first three defining moments that you should learn from and let go, because making peace with them frees you from your heaviest anchors. You can then repeat this process with your other emotionally difficult memories until you totally free your future.
Whenever you recall your defining moments, good and bad, you naturally replay them in your mind. In a sense, you bring these events from your past into your present. If you’re a visual learner, you might see them in your mind as a movie. If you’re a hands-on learner, you might physically reexperience them. If you’re an audio learner, you might remember what the event sounded like. Whenever you replay your defining moments, you can tell if they make you feel sad, happy, alone, or inspired.
When a defining moment makes you feel pain, sadness, depression, or intense discomfort, it’s an anchor that limits your progress and must be dealt with. To make peace with your toughest past experiences, you have two primary options: Either you can get professional help or you can choose to help yourself. If you want to get professional help, get it from someone experienced in this specific area. If you want to help yourself—like most twentysomethings—try following three steps to move beyond your toughest memories.
1. Add perspective.
2. Find the good within the bad.
3. Write a new ending.
To Add Perspective
Recognize that everything that happened in your past is forever locked in the past. No matter how real they seem in your imagination, your toughest memories are not happening now. Yes, whatever happened in your past did happen. Acknowledging this is important, but as important is acknowledging that it’s over. The only thing happening right now is you.
To Find the Good within the Bad
Take out a piece of paper and make a list of three or four good things that eventually came out of each bad experience. Maybe you found out you were stronger than you thought, maybe you realized for the first time that people do love you, or maybe you were able to find a new opportunity. If you look hard enough you will be able to find specific, positive things that came out of even your most difficult situation. This will help you see that no matter how tough life gets, you still leave every situation in some way better than when you began.
To Write a New Ending
Writing a new ending to your toughest memories does not change what happened. However, it signals to your brain that your bad memories are not in control of your future or how you see the world. When you write a new ending to your toughest memories, your brain recognizes you are living in the present, not the past. Rewriting your toughest memories also helps highlight what you have learned from them.
On a new piece of paper, describe what happened during your three toughest defining moments—for example, your parents getting