Naamah's Kiss - Jacqueline Carey [171]
"So you don't forget me," she said.
Despite everything, I laughed. "My lady, I think that would be quite impossible."
She kissed me one last time. "Good."
I mounted Blossom and rode slowly through the gate. At a word from Master Lo Feng, guards transferred two trunks of my clothing and my battered satchel onto a waiting supply wagon, Bao supervising. Master Lo Feng looked at my mournful face with compassion.
"Moirin, you need not do this thing for my sake," he said gently. "If you wish to stay, stay."
I took a deep breath. "Thank you, Master, but I think I'm meant to go. Forgive me. I don't mean to disgrace you."
"You are no disgrace." He gave a faint smile. "Although I believe General Tsieh and his men are finding Terre d'Ange very peculiar in this moment. None of them ever envisioned a land in which the Queen is allowed a concubine."
I'd grown more D'Angeline than I knew, for it had ceased to seem strange to me long ago. But glancing around, I saw that the general's men were blushing and avoiding looking at me. "Is that why they don't want me here?"
"No." Master Lo's expression turned somber. "Outsiders are not welcome in the Celestial Empire. But do not concern yourself. Their hearts will change in time. We have a very long journey before us."
"I know." Although the prospect daunted me, I made myself face it. I tucked the object Jehanne had given me away in my purse. "Bao?"
Bao looked up with a questioning glance.
I nodded at the bow and quiver lashed to my satchel. "Will you hand those to me, please?"
He shrugged and obeyed. "You think we get attack by bandit? All these men?"
"No." I slung the quiver over my shoulder and tested the bowstring. It wanted tending and the skin of my fingertips had grown soft and easily abraded where once it was callused. I had grown soft, pampered and coddled in luxury. "But I think I need to remember that I'm Moirin mac Fainche of the Maghuin Dhonn."
Bao shrugged again and swung himself into the saddle. "You say so."
General Tsieh asked a question; Master Lo replied. The general gave an order and our party began to move forward, horses' hooves clattering, wagon-wheels creaking.
We were going.
I glanced behind me only once. The royal party was still standing in the open gate, watching us go. Jehanne stood close to King Daniel, taking shelter beneath his arm. She had one hand pressed to her belly. I wished I could have stayed long enough to see her child born. Her face looked very pale. My father raised one hand in salute, his crimson robes flickering around him.
I waved once in reply, then turned to face forward.
We rode in silence until the white walls of the City of Elua were only a wan smear in the distance; then Master Lo Feng spoke without preamble.
"Empty yourself of everything," he said. "Let your mind rest at peace. Ten thousand things rise and fall while the self watches. They grow and flourish and return to the source. Returning to the source is stillness, which is the way of nature. The way of nature is unchanging. Practice your breathing and think upon this, Moirin."
My heart and mind were too full. "I don't think I can, Master. Not today."
Bao snorted.
"Today more than ever." Master Lo Feng was unperturbed. "Breathe, and let go. Watch."
I did my best.
At first I just breathed. I breathed the Breath of Earth's Pulse until I felt it deep in my body, felt it echoed in the slow, staccato beats of Blossom's hooves beneath me. I breathed Ocean's Rolling Waves into the pit of my belly, in through my nostrils and out through my mouth. I remembered Jehanne's mouth on me, my back arching, waves of pleasure surging through my flesh. I tried to let go of the memory. Ten thousand things rise and fall.
I watched.
I breathed the Breath of Trees Growing, and thought about how all things returned to the source. This air I breathed deep into my lungs fed my body and limbs, fed the blood circulating in them. This air I expelled, the trees and plants drank.
I listened to their songs.
I listened to the faint, scintillant song