Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [152]
Each of them prepared an expense budget and compared them. Their initial calculations indicated that having Howard pay Cynthia $1,000 per month in child support and $500 per month in spousal support would mean that they both could make ends meet. The $6,000 annual increase in taxable income (from spousal support) to Cynthia would not affect her tax bracket, and the deduction would help Howard slightly.
They used a child support calculator they found on the Internet to check their state's guidelines, and found they weren't far off from guideline support. (At the time, they also learned that the deductibility of the spousal support relied on having a written agreement about the payments, so they prepared an interim agreement stating what the payments would be and which portion would be considered spousal support.) They also included a savings plan for the girls' college educations.
Parenting
It's a good idea to make your parenting agreement an attachment to your MSA, rather than including all the parenting information in the MSA. Especially if your agreement calls for review dates and anticipates changes, making it a separate document gives you flexibility. If you're anticipating changes, include a provision that changes automatically become enforceable when they are written down and signed by both of you. Otherwise, you'll have to go back to court every time you make a change in your parenting schedule, to try to get it approved by a judge. Also, it makes each document a more manageable length.
Include something in your parenting agreement about how you're going to work it out if you disagree about parenting issues. If you have a marriage counselor or mediator, you might agree to a certain number of sessions with that person to try to work it out. If you make your parenting agreement without any help, take some time to figure out together who could help you if you get stuck-a mediator, custody evaluator, or child development expert are all good choices. Try to pick a specific person if possible. If you can't, pick someone who will help you break a tie if you disagree. The last thing you want is to be stalled out just trying to figure out whom to see when you need help on something to do with your kids.
Chapter 6 defines types of custody and explains different parenting arrangements that people make. Chapter 16 lists resources, including sample parenting plans available on the Internet.
Building a Parenting Agreement that Works: How to Put Your Kids First When Your Marriage Doesn't Last, by Mimi Lyster (Nolo), provides excellent sample clauses for every issue you might want to deal with in a parenting agreement.
Cynthia and Howard easily agreed that Cynthia would continue to be the primary caretaker for Sarah and Maya, just as she had been during the marriage. They were also in sync, at least in principle, that Howard should spend a significant amount of time with the girls. It was when they got down to the brass tacks of what that meant in terms of actual time that things got harder than either of them anticipated.
Howard suggested that the girls spend three nights a week with him when he was in town, and he also wanted to share equally in their vacation time. While supportive of his relationship with the girlsand knowing it was best for them to continue having a meaningful relationship with their dad-Cynthia was concerned because Howard sometimes was paralyzed by depression. At home, he would retreat into his study and not come out all evening, making it clear that no one was to disturb him. The girls found this baffling and a bit frightening, and they felt their dad was unpredictable. Cynthia didn't want to agree to an extensive schedule of visitation if Howard wasn't going to be an effective parent during the time the girls were with him.
These discussions were painful for both parents, but ultimately they came to an agreement that both could live with. Howard's visits started off on a fairly limited basis,