Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [170]
Moving Away
Probably the most disruptive change that's likely to collide with any parenting plan is a custodial parent's desire to move somewhere that will make visits with the other parent significantly more difficult or expensive. There are lots of reasons that such a move might make sense-to the parent who wants to go. But noncustodial parents who spend a significant amount of time with their kids usually resist the idea of a move that leaves them with a lot less time with their kids. And because moving is an all-or-nothing proposition, it's hard for parents to see how compromise could happen.
You may have agreed to a divorce order that says neither of you can move farther than a certain distance away. In that case, if you want to move, you'll have to try to talk your former spouse into modifying the agreement. If there are no restrictions in your divorce order, you'll still be better off starting with a conversation with your ex.
In most states, a custodial parent is free to move unless the other parent can convince the court that the move is for the purpose of frustrating visitation or will harm the child for some other reasons. In some states, however, if the noncustodial parent objects, the parent who wants to move must show why the move will benefit the kids and how the kids will continue to have contact with their other parent.
If you've had a parenting arrangement that's been working well for the kids and you're considering a move, start by inviting your ex-spouse to a session with a therapist or mediator, and raise the possibility. Listen carefully to what your ex has to say about the move, and present your reasons for wanting to go without acting like it's the only possible outcome that could work for you or the kids. Be patient with your ex's reaction.
If you're the parent who fears losing your kids, try to keep your mind open too. There may be ways to keep in close contact with your children even if they move away. It may be that the move would have benefits for them that they can't get where they are living now.
It's possible that all of this open-mindedness won't help you work your way to an agreement about the move, and you may be in for a court fight. There is so much at stake in a battle like this that you almost certainly want a lawyer representing you, whether or not you hired one during your divorce.
The Judge Isn't Always Right
In a Louisiana case, when a mom who had primary custody moved out of state, her ex-husband went to court, asking that their eight-year-old daughter stay in Louisiana with him. Ajudge ordered that the child live with each parent for a year at a time, alternating back and forth between states, with the other parent having visitation on all holidays and school breaks. When the mother appealed, the appeals court overturned this ridiculous ruling, saying that it would be disruptive to the child's education and socialization, as well as her sense of stability, and thus was not in her best interests. Custody remained with the mom.
Do you need any more reminders of why you shouldn't trust family decisions to a judge?
If You're Not Getting Support Checks
If you're entitled to receive child support and the money isn't coming, you're not alone. Failure to pay child support is an enormous problem in this country. (In 2005, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, just over 46% of custodial parents received all the child support they were owed while an additional 30% received some, but not all of the support due.) Chapter 8