Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [172]
Even a year or two (or more) after the divorce, make sure you are available to listen to them whenever they want to talk. As they grow and develop, they may need new information or need to process their feelings in a different way. Depending on their ages and personalities, you may need to encourage them to continue to talk about their feelings about the divorce.
You know that divorce is a very stressful event for kids. Even if your child has generally had a positive spin on things and bounced back from adversity pretty easily, keep an eye out for the rough patches that are bound to occur. There's more in Chapter 6 about helping your kids cope with the divorce.
Modifying Spousal Support
Courts are generally reluctant to change spousal support arrangements, but if you can prove that you gave up your right to spousal support under duress (you were forced or threatened), or that something about the agreement really wasn't fair, a court might change the order. If you are paying spousal support, the court might consider a big change in your ex-spouse's circumstances enough to justify a change. For example, if your ex landed a great job and is doing fine financially, you might be let off the hook for support. And if you lose your own job, you might get a downward adjustment in support, at least temporarily. Chapter 11 describes the different kinds of spousal support and how long they're each likely to last.
Your Right to Social Security
There are lots of rules about just who's entitled to Social Security after divorce. Here are the basics.
If you were married ten years or longer, you can receive Social Security benefits as a widow or widower if your ex-spouse dies-even years after your divorce, and even if your ex-spouse has remarried. Benefits paid to a surviving divorced spouse who is 60 or older will not affect the benefit rates for other survivors receiving benefits, meaning your children's benefits won't be affected if you're over 60, but they may if you are younger. And if you remarry before you turn 60, you lose the entitlement to survivors' benefits from your former spouse, unless your later marriage ends before the death of your former spouse. If you remarry after age 60 (50, if you are disabled), you can still collect benefits on your former spouse's record. When you reach age 62, you can substitute your new spouse's retirement benefits instead of keeping your former spouse's survivor benefits, if the new benefits are higher. Your remarriage would have no effect on the benefits being paid to your children.
Learn more. Your local Social Security office would be a good source of more information, as is the Social Security website at www.ssa.gov. Social Security, Medicare & Government Pensions, by Joseph Matthews with Dorothy Matthews Berman (Nolo), has a detailed explanation of Social Security benefits, including the effect of divorce and remarriage on benefit entitlement. Divorce & Money: How to Make the Best Financial Decisions During Divorce, by Violet Woodhouse with Dale Fetherling (Nolo), also discusses Social Security benefits.
Dating and New Relationships
If you have kids, you'll be dealing with some special challenges as you return to the dating world. You may be ready for dating long before your children are prepared for you to do it, so be extremely cautious in bringing a new love interest home to meet the family. It's natural for the kids to continue wishing that you and your ex will reconcilepossibly even long after you've been with a new partner. There's very little chance that you'll talk them out of it, so just he patient and honest about what's going on. And be cautious. Your kids have been through a big loss, and you don't want to