Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [174]
See for yourself. There's much more about prenuptial agreements, with examples and sample clauses, in Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair & Lasting Contract, by Katherine E. Stoner and Shae Irving (Nolo). You can also find help with prenups at www.legalzoom.com and www.uslegalforms.com. You'll need a lawyer to help you with the final agreement, but you can do a lot of the preparatory work yourselves.
Your New Spouse and Your Kids
Remarriage does not affect your ex-spouse's relationship with your children. Your new spouse will be your kids' stepparent, not their parent, and won't have a legal relationship with your kids. That means that if you split up, your new spouse won't have an obligation to pay child support and, in most cases, won't be entitled to ask for visitation. The only way your new partner can become a parent to your kids is by completing a stepparent adoption, which would require the other parent's consent and termination of the other parent's rights.
Getting Help and Helping Yourself
Just because your divorce is over, it doesn't mean that you are clone having feelings about your ex, your marriage, or your future on your own. There are lots of things you can do to ease your transition.
Be Prepared for the Final Split
Whether your divorce was quick or drawn out, the clay that you receive the final divorce order and know that your marriage is legally over can be harder than you anticipate.
If you have to go to court to have the judgment entered-for example, if your state requires you to appear in front of a judge to confirm that your paperwork is accurate and that you want the divorce-you'll know when that day is coming, and you can get yourself ready. Bring a friend with you if you think it will help. Think about what you might want to say to your spouse, if you think you'll talk (if you both have lawyers and your divorce has been acrimonious, this is unlikely). And think about what you might want to do afterwards: a nice lunch, a strenuous hike, or whatever works for you. Some people will want to take their minds off the event, and others might want someone to sit with them and list all the reasons why the divorce was the right thing to do. It's a good idea to do something, though-even the smallest of rituals to mark the change in your life that is (legally) completed.
If you submitted paperwork for an uncontested divorce, you'll probably just find the divorce order in your mailbox one day. If you would prefer to pick up the papers, then when you submit your papers, ask the clerk whether you can pick them up after they're signed, and find out the procedures for doing that. Then you can choose your day and make whatever plans you want to. At least find out when the papers might be coming and prepare yourself for it.
Get the Help You Need (or Want)
Divorce is a lonely process, and it can often seem that no one around you understands what you are going through. But in fact there are a lot of resources available to you-some, like your friends and family, can help you feel better, and others will provide more practical, professional help.
Friends and family. Don't forget to ask for help-or just for company-from people you are close to. It's easy to isolate yourself after your divorce. Resist that temptation, and spend time with people you enjoy and who make you feel good about yourself. (If every time you see your mother she tells you how disappointed she is about the divorce, choose someone else to visit.) Try to he a person who says "yes" when you're invited to parties, outings, and events. If need be, make a list of invitations you receive and make sure you accept at least half of them.
If you're in a real crisis mode, delegate tasks to your friends and family. If you are reluctant to impose, think about what you would do for the people you love, and how good it makes you feel when you