Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [175]
Financial planner. This would be a good time to meet with a financial planner, if you haven't already. You may have received a cash settlement or an order that you'll receive part of your ex's pension later. You need to understand the value of these items (whether there's anything you need to do to maintain them) and what they mean to your financial future. Chapter 16 has advice about how to choose a planner to work with. This is also a good time to get a new credit report and to correct anything that still shows joint ownership with your ex-spouse. Turn back to Chapter 2 for information about how to get a credit report and how to make corrections if they're needed.
Career counselor. If you're returning to work after a hiatus, you might want to invest in some career counseling. If you're considering a career change to go along with your life change, but aren't sure what direction you want to go in, www.careerplanner.com has lots of resources as well as links to other good sites. And the classic book on career counseling, regularly updated, is What Color Is Your Parachute?, by Richard Bolles (Ten Speed Press). There are tons of other books, too, so head out to your local bookstore and take a look.
Support groups. If you're having a hard time emotionally (and that probably includes just about everyone), consider group counseling. A group of people who have also gone through divorce recently might be a great place to meet others and get support. Check with your physician or HMO, a local mental health agency, and other local resource centers (like a community center or public library) for support groups for divorcing folks. Some people find the immediacy of Internet chat rooms on divorce can be helpful. If you're involved in a religious or spiritual community, find others who have been through a divorce or a recent loss and make contact.
Individual counseling. A psychologist, psychiatrist, or marriage and family therapist can help you talk through your feelings in individual sessions. Some counselors also use other types of treatment, such as hypnosis, to help free you from patterns of behavior that haven't served you well. Find a licensed therapist by asking people you know (always the best source of referrals) or checking with your local county mental health agency.
Life coaching. A life coach works with you to assess your current situation, establish goals, and work toward achieving them. Life coaching is not therapy. It's directed at developing and achieving measurable goals. To learn more about coaching, check out the website of the International Coaching Federation at www.coachfederation.org.
Learn to Take Care of Yourself
Taking care of yourself can mean a lot of different things. For starters, you need to take care of your physical health. Don't get into had habits because you feel sorry for yourself-and if you already have had habits that are making you feel bad about yourself, this is a great time to make a change. Eat right, get plenty of rest, and exercise-you'll be amazed at how much difference these simple things can make in your life. And get a checkup. Even if you feel fine, it's a way of symbolizing that you're moving into a new phase and doing it in good health.
You also need to make sure that you are functioning effectively in your daily life. That means not just getting yourself to work and your kids to school every day-although that can feel like quite an accomplishment in itself-but also making sure that your house and your car are in working order and that everyone's properly fed and clothed.
If your spouse always took care of "handy" tasks around the house, you may need to do some quick self-education. There's a great page at www.divorceinfo.com/guystuf£htm that provides basic information about things like changing the furnace filter and dealing with circuit