Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [75]
Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families, by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown (Little, Brown & Co.), is an extremely popular book for good reason-it uses humorous drawings and simple, but straightforward, text to deal with the really difficult issues of divorce, including having two homes, birthdays and holidays, stepparents you don't like, and what to do when your parents badmouth each other.
How I Survived My Parents' Big Scary Divorce, by Audrey Lavin (BookSurge) is another title for the four-eight year-old set, about a feisty young girl coming to terms with her parents' divorce.
Kids' Divorce Workbook: A Practical Guide that Helps Kids Understand Divorce Happens to the Nicest Kids, by Michael S. Prokop (Alegra House), offers space for kids to write and draw about their feelings, alongside the words and drawings of other children dealing with divorce. An excellent resource for kids who might be more comfortable with writing or drawing.
Help Hope and Happiness, by Libby Rees (Script Publishing), is written by a ten-year-old and contains her advice for kids on coping with divorce; the book is only available from its UK publisher at www.shop.scriptpublishing.co.uk or www.amazon.co.uk.
What in the World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce? A Survival Guide for Kids, by Roberta Beyer and Kent Winchester (Free Spirit Publishing), is aimed at kids seven to 12 years old, and explains divorce, new living situations, and dealing with difficult feelings in ways that should resonate with the preteen set.
The Divorce Helpbook for Teens, by Cynthia MacGregor (Impact Publishers), is a thorough, plain-language book that does not condescend as it offers guidance on navigating the challenges of divorce.
Making Shared Parenting Work
The challenges of shared parenting may be the greatest ones you face as part of your divorce, because they involve the people you most want to protect from suffering, and because they don't end when the divorce is final. You will continue to have a relationship with the kids' other parent for many years to come, probably for the rest of your life. In fact, that is a result devoutly to be hoped for, because it would mean that you and your spouse were able to cooperate enough to share in your kids' lives even as they become adults. But that's the hoped-for future. In the here and now, you need to work out shared parenting, and you need to do it with the focus on what is best for your kids.
Staying close ...
A mom whose ex rented a place a block away so that their son could easily walk back and forth says that the proximity is sometimes difficult for the adults, but seems to work for their son. "I think the hardest thing for him is not being with me, but he and his dad have a deeper relationship than they've ever had, and it's really wonderful to see. He spends two weeknights, and Saturday day and overnight with his dad and the rest with me. If he really wants to come to my house, he can. We're not inflexible, and he spends enough time with his dad that if there's a night he wants to spend with me, Greg doesn't feel threatened. What he's going to end up having is two happier households."
If You Share Physical Custody
Shared physical custody, where the kids spend significant amounts of time with both parents, can be a great choice for kids. It means that they get to have two really involved parents and to feel a sense of "home" wherever they are, rather than feeling that they have one home and one place they go to visit their other parent. A real 50-50 custody arrangement requires a high degree of cooperation between parents, so don't do it unless you are willing to be in contact with your ex regularly as time goes by. And think about some of these tips:
Make both houses home. Kids should have all the stuff they need in both places: toys, school supplies, clothes, and the right breakfast cereal.