Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [78]
Couples are beginning to agree to-and courts are even starting to order-"virtual" visitation. As you would expect, virtual visitation means the use of webcams for kids and parents to (literally) see each other. You can schedule regular visitation times just as you would in-person visits. It makes a big difference to a child to actually see a distant parent's face, as opposed to just talking on the phoneespecially when kids are younger and often don't enjoy phone contact.
10 Rules for the Custodial Parent
1. Make sure your children understand that even though time is not shared equally, you and your spouse are still equal parents.
2. Never bad-mouth your spouse to your kids. Ever. And that includes complaining that you don't get enough support to afford things that the kids want. Don't complain to your kids about being lonely or depressed because of the divorce.
3. Never ask your kids to take messages of any kind to the other parent or to tell you about the other parent's comings and goings.
4. Never ask your kids to take sides, express loyalty to you over the other parent, or say which parent they want to spend more time with.
5. Let your kids call their other parent anytime they want to, and give them privacy for the phone calls.
6. Always have an upbeat, positive attitude when you send your kids to their visits with the other parent.
7. Never condition visitation on receiving support payments from the other parent. (The other parent has a legal right to the visits, separate from the obligation to pay support.)
8. If your kids want to spend more time with the other parent than what's scheduled, consider their requests with an open mind and be as flexible as you can. If they're reluctant to go for visits, try to find out what's bugging them, but also make sure they understand it's not up for discussion.
9. Cut the other parent some slack about exact compliance with the parenting schedule. If your ex is chronically late, that's one thing. But if there's one occasion when the movie went longer than expected and they showed up at your door 20 minutes after the kids were supposed to be back, don't make a fuss.
10. Keep the lines of communication with the other parent open, and share information about what's going on with your kids during the time they're with you.
10 Rules for the Noncustodial Parent
1. Make sure your children understand that even though time is not shared equally, you don't love them any less, and you are still an equal parent.
2. Never bad-mouth the other parent to your kids. Ever. And that includes complaining that you can't afford things that the kids want because you have to pay so much support to the other parent. Don't complain to your kids about being lonely or depressed because of the divorce.
3. Never ask your kids to take messages of any kind to the other parent or to tell you anything about the other parent's comings and goings.
4. Never ask your kids to take sides, express loyalty to you over the other parent, or say which parent they want to spend more time with.
5. If your kids want to talk to their other parent when they're with you, let them. Give them privacy for the phone call.
6. Make the most of your time with your kids, but don't fall into the "party parent" role. Do normal activities with them, like grocery shopping and homework.
7. Never condition support payments on compliance with the visitation schedule. (Your spouse has a right to support that's separate from the visitation orders.)
8. If your kids want to spend more time with you than what's scheduled, be as flexible as you can. If they don't want to come