Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [11]
What I like to recommend is a nice little hybrid number—the boxer brief. They provide excellent coverage, they keep everything nicely in place, and they look sexy on almost everyone except the morbidly obese and the manorexic.
In general, your underwear should be in solid, subdued colors. Underwear’s not the place to get creative in your wardrobe. I like plain old white or heather gray, because those won’t show up under lighter colored pants during the summer months and will be useful throughout the year. You might want a couple of pairs of black underwear for your sexier moments. I’m not going to get involved there.
At Christmas or Valentine’s Day, you might be tempted to wear boxers adorned with reindeers, cupids, or cutesy sayings. Resist that temptation. You’ll only look like a lunatic or a loser. God forbid you have an accident—try explaining those leprechauns on your boxers to the nice male nurse named Terry in the emergency room.
And by the way, theme underwear is out. Was it ever really in? Sure, Underoos had their moment, but you were eight. If SpongeBob SquarePants or anyone affiliated with Marvel comics appears anywhere on your underwear, please get rid of them before some unsuspecting person calls the authorities. If I find them in your underwear drawer, I might have to dial 1-800-ALARM-ME.
UNDERSHIRTS
Think of your undershirt as your dress shirt’s little helper. When you have really beautiful quality, super luxurious cotton dress shirts (or even if you don’t), you don’t want to over launder them. If you wear a T-shirt underneath your dress shirt, it runs interference for you by absorbing the sweat, dirt and body oils that we all inevitably secrete. Yes, even me. By putting a nice little tee under your dress shirt, you might be able to get away with not having to launder the shirt every time you wear it, and your shirt will be your trusty friend for even longer. And it’s all about friendships, you know.
If you want to be really chic and you don’t have a lot of body hair (or pierced nipples), you don’t have to wear a T-shirt, but you’re going to have to launder that shirt every time.
I don’t care what brand of undershirt you wear or whether you get them at Saks Fifth Avenue or at a store that also sells auto parts and cat litter. The only thing that matters is that they should be 100 percent cotton and should have a certain amount of heft to them. Put your hand underneath the shirt. If you can’t see your hand through the fabric, that’s a good gauge of quality. There are ridiculously super luxurious undershirts made of silk, but there’s just no reason for that. No one is going to see them, and you’re not going to know the difference. Just good old, high-quality 100 percent cotton will be soft and cuddly and you’ll love me for them.
You probably already know that undershirts come with different necklines: crew neck, V-neck, and the wife beater, or the domestic partner beater as I like to call it. (You might also know it as the guinea tee. Pause for Sylvester-Stallone in-Rocky fantasy. Okay, then.) If you’re going to be wearing a dress shirt with an open neck, I don’t like to see the white ring of a crew neck T-shirt peeking out from underneath. I think it’s always sexier and better looking to see bare chest. Our European friends know that, and look how they do with the ladies. So invest in some V-neck tees for under your dress shirts. They’re perfect: You show a nice bit of clavicle, and they still protect your shirts from sweat and undo wear and tear.
By the way, when I say I like to see a little bare chest, I mean bare chest. I don’t want to see your Viagra falls of chest hair spilling out and ruining my day. In that case, you need to become friendly with your local neighborhood