Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [12]
Though I don’t like to see a crewneck T-shirt under an open woven shirt, crewnecks do lend a certain J.Crew, collegiate feel to any outfit. But if you must, crewneck tees should always be white. Gray and oatmeal are a no. They just look dirty. Crewneck tees are great for wearing under a sweater or a sport shirt. But notice I said under. The kind of white T-shirt you can wear with jeans and nothing else is not the same kind you find in the underwear aisle at Target for $10 a pack of three. (See chapter four for more on T-shirts.) Just wait till I get my Hanes on you if I see you wearing underwear in lieu of real clothing.
TIP
Fairy Godstylist
Socks are sized one and a half times larger than your shoes. If you wear a shoe size eight, you’re a nine and a half in socks. Irritating but true.
As for the domestic partner beater, these have become obsolete, and they might as well be eradicated. They fulfill no purpose as they don’t cover the areas where you sweat the most, your armpits. They just make you look like a refugee from The Sopranos, which is a great show, but not where you should be getting your fashion inspiration. But if you absolutely must wear a domestic partner beater, please don’t wear them by themselves with jeans. Not unless you’re Antonio Sabato, Jr. For him I’ll make an exception. While we’re at it, I don’t think there’s a place in this world for tank tops except at the gym, where I kind of like them. In fact I encourage them. There’s nothing nicer than seeing a meaty delt out on display with a darling gym ensemble.
SOCKS
Men seem to be eternally bewildered about what color their socks are supposed to be. It’s okay. I’m here for you. First of all, it’s always better to stray on the side of darker socks, meaning your socks can be darker than your suit. Promise me you will never, ever—ever—buy flesh-toned socks. You’ll look like you’re wearing nude pantyhose and just those three words—nude panty hose—give me the heebiejeebies. When in doubt, match your sock color to that of your shoes; it will create a seamless line. You don’t want to match socks to pants, because you could wind up looking like you’re wearing stirrup pants. Basically, if you buy yourself an army of black and brown cotton or silk dress socks, you’ll be just fine. If you want to try some patterned socks, remember to keep it simple. There’s nothing worse than a bold patterned suit with a patterned sock.
Socks can really invigorate your wardrobe. If you’re wearing casual clothes, you can mix it up with argyles, herringbone, dots, whatever. Go ahead and have yourself a little party in your shoes. It can also be really festive to wear brightly colored socks—purple, red, yellow, etc.—for occasions like holiday parties, but I say that with extreme caution because this can easily backfire. And just like underwear, any kind of novelty socks (sports figures, superheroes, Valentine’s cupids, Christmas trees, socks that play music, light up, etc.) are to be avoided at all costs. You should also steer clear of any sock that’s provided free of charge, especially airline socks.
Some people like wool socks for when it’s nippy out, but I think most wool socks are scratchy, hot, and tend to trap moisture. They’ve gone the way of the milkman. They’re outdated. For the ultimate in sock luxury, you can invest in a pair of soft and cuddly cashmere socks. They’ll probably run you around $150, but you didn’t really need to eat much this month, did you? If you can’t afford cashmere socks, you can try a merino wool sock, which is a very high-quality wool, or a wool/cashmere blend. It’s almost like the real thing. Just like that nice “lady” Suzy you met at the Vince Lombardi service area on