Real Marriage_ The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together - Mark Driscoll [28]
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Hyper-Spiritual Henry is the guy with the Christian T-shirts and Christian bumper stickers, always listening to praise music and reading the latest trendy Christian book. He embarrasses his wife and children. The kids don’t bring friends over to the house because they fear their father will have a Ned Flanders episode where everything has to be connected to some out-of-context Bible verse, theological position, or downright odd spiritual lesson.
Good-Time Gary is super fun, the life of the party, and a really nice guy, so no one really ever puts a finger in his chest as they ought to. He is funny; he is charming; he is winsome; he is entertaining. There’s always a crowd of people around him. Everybody likes him. He gets along with everybody, and here’s the key: everybody likes him, but nobody respects him. Every time something happens in his life, he turns it into a joke. He doesn’t realize that his life is the joke. He can’t hold a job, can’t pay his bills, can’t get out of bed in the morning, can’t follow through on a commitment, can’t stay organized, can’t see anything through to completion. He’ll draw a crowd, but they won’t follow him because he’s not going anywhere; he’s not a leader. For the wife who’s married to this guy, eventually he becomes not so cute, not so funny, and not so clever. He becomes profoundly annoying. She tires of the jokes and the good times and the “everything’s funny, and aren’t I clever and cute?” She wants a king of a man she can depend on and not a court jester for a husband.
None of these guys are the kind of men Jesus wants us to be. The key to understanding masculinity is Jesus Christ. Jesus was tough with religious blockheads, false teachers, the proud, and bullies. Jesus was tender with women, children, and those who were suffering or humble. Additionally, Jesus took responsibility for Himself. He worked a job for the first thirty years of His life, swinging a hammer as a carpenter. He also took responsibility for us on the cross, where He substituted Himself and died in our place for our sins. My sins are my fault, not Jesus’ fault, but Jesus has made them His responsibility. This is the essence of the gospel, the “good news.” If you understand this, it will change how you view masculinity.
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You may not be physically big, strong, or tough. But if you are rightly tough and tender, and you take responsibility for yourself and others, then you are truly a man’s man, a godly man, and by grace you are being conformed into a man like the perfect God-man, Jesus Christ.
This is what the Bible means when it says that a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. It means that he lovingly, humbly, and sacrificially leads by being a blessing and taking responsibility not only for himself but also for others—beginning with his wife.
Men are like trucks—they drive smoother and straighter with a load. Adolescence delays this load carrying indefinitely. Wise men know this and load themselves up early in life to get their education, careers, families, and ministries started as soon as possible because it gives them a good head start on the fools. So load yourself up. Take responsibility for yourself. Take responsibility for your wife (and children if or when you have them). Take responsibility for your church. Take responsibility for your company. Take responsibility for your city. Real men don’t look for other men, organizations, and governments to carry their load. Real men carry their own load.
A Wife’s Perspective
When you consider how many men are really just boys who can shave, think about how terrifying it must be for a woman to marry. As a man, you may never have seen marriage from your wife’s perspective. First Peter 3:1–6 speaks about the proclivity of wives to be afraid about marriage and filled with fears about the dependability and affection of their husbands. Those fears are