Something Old - Dianne L. Christner [114]
“Go away.” Katy pushed at Lil’s hand. She didn’t want to wake up. “I’m staying home.”
Lil laced her voice with concern. “But you never miss church.”
Katy tried to focus her eyes through swollen slits. “Then today will be a first because I’m not facing Jake.”
“But you can’t stay in bed all day.”
Katy turned her head toward the wall, wondering why not. “I know you’re miserable. Look, you gave it a shot. Now you can both move on…without regrets. No more what-ifs.”
“That’s easy for you to say. Nobody’s ever dumped you. Twice.”
Lil’s hand retreated.
Instantly, Katy regretted her harshness. Her failed relationship wasn’t Lil’s fault. “I’m sorry. But he said horrible things to me.”
Lil sighed and lowered onto the edge of Katy’s bed. “He was only angry. We both know he’s a hopeless chump.”
“When people are angry, they say what they mean. And chump doesn’t cover the half of it.”
“Sometimes they try to lash out to cover their own hurts, too.”
That’s exactly what Katy had done. Lashed out at him for no reason yesterday, even when he’d only been kind. She had lashed out because of her own fears.
“You can still be friends. You were great at that.”
Katy tried to imagine a brotherly relationship with Jake, one built on kindness and an intimacy gained from knowing each other so well. It would never work because one of them would flirt, and then they’d end right back where they were today. But he was Lil’s cousin so he couldn’t be avoided, either.
“Megan’s coming over for lunch. She’s made her mission-trip choice. Wants to show us her Bangladesh brochure.”
Katy moaned. She wasn’t interested in Bangladesh. She had her own Bungled-mess. But weekends were the only time she saw Megan. And Katy didn’t want her to think she was mad over the discussion that had taken place in Megan’s dorm. “Okay, but when she wants to patch me up with Jake again, stand with me on this. You agree we’re hopeless together, right?”
Lil hesitated. “I haven’t heard Jake’s side yet. But it does seem that way.”
Katy bunched and cradled her pillow. “I can’t do this if you won’t help me.”
“All right.” Lil nodded. “I’ll back you up. But Megan won’t push you.”
“She might. Seems to have some honest streak going.”
“You think so, too?” Lil tapped her freckled cheek. “The other day she lectured me about self-respect. Had the nerve to say that if I didn’t chase guys so hard, they’d be chasing me. Like that would ever happen. She said some other stuff, too. Brought up my mom’s depression. Gave me a bunch of advice.” She dropped her hand. “Usually, she’s not so pushy. I thought she was acting weird, too. Maybe it is an honesty thing.”
Katy rose up on an elbow. “I’ll bet she’s taking some psychology class and testing it out on us.”
Lil’s voice grew animated. “Yes. I’ll bet that’s it.”
Nudging Lil with her hand, Katy snapped, “Move off my bed. I’ve gotta hurry if we don’t want to be late.”
Lil jumped up and smiled brightly. “Great, I’ll be in the kitchen.”
The sermon was on spiritual seasons. The preacher brought up Dutchman’s breeches—little, white, spring flowers that resembled a row of upside-down breeches on a clothesline. They represented summer’s promise. He compared spring and summer to God’s love and blessings. Winter symbolized the hard times. He stressed the beauty of faith in winter. Katy recalled the beauty of the barren wintry countryside when she took that dark sleigh ride with David. How long ago that seemed.
Applying the concept to her situation, she figured she was experiencing the bleakest winter of her life. Her latest fight with Jake must be dead winter. According to Brother Troyer, spring was around the corner. He claimed the key was trusting God. She thought about God and wondered if it really was that easy. Did God take a personal interest in her? Was He planning a spring and summer for her? Or was it all wishful thinking? Was He a judge, watching to see how she handled adversity?
Normally, Katy didn’t like change, but living in bitter cold forced her to welcome it. She jotted down a few notes on her bulletin, thinking