Stolen Innocence - Lisa Pulitzer [76]
“In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and by the authority of the Holy Priesthood, I pronounce you legally and lawfully husband and wife, for time and all eternity…”
My soul was broken. I was now going to be Allen’s wife for eternity, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“You may kiss the bride,” Uncle Warren directed.
Reflexively, I backed away as Allen leaned in to kiss me.
The tears were falling freely, and I had to keep my shoulders from shaking. I lowered my head and shook it. “Please don’t make me do this,” I pleaded in my mind.
Uncle Warren looked at me pointedly, almost hissing the words: “Kiss Allen.” All I could think of was the time in elementary school when Uncle Warren told me that I was to treat boys as poisonous snakes. To me, Allen was worse than that, and I could not bring myself to kiss him. Finally I gave in and pecked him on the lips. I was desperate to escape. I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned to leave and was stopped when someone tugged on my hand.
At that moment, Uncle Warren took my hand and Allen’s, putting them together in his, saying, “Now go forth and multiply and replenish the earth with good priesthood children.”
I could barely see through my tears as I fled. I escaped into a separate room and dissolved. My mother followed me and I ran from her, locking myself in a bathroom. Crumpling to the floor, I was overtaken by sobs. I couldn’t believe it. I had just gotten married.
Immediately, I could hear her soothing voice through the grain of the wooden door between us, almost begging, “Lesie, please let me in.”
Mom was joined by my sister Rachel and Allen, who also tried unsuccessfully to get me to come out. I had been in there for several minutes when I heard a knock and the voice of one of the church elders, Uncle Wendell Neilson. I’d always liked Uncle Wendell and felt guilty and embarrassed that I was now avoiding him.
“I just want to be the first to congratulate the new Mrs. Steed,” Uncle Wendell told me when I finally opened the bathroom door. I found momentary solace in his bear hug. “You know things will look up. Just remember to trust in God.” He tried to cheer me up, saying that I would reap the rewards of obedience to the prophet. “Someday thousands will flock to hear your story of faith and courage.” His words were kind and meant to be encouraging, but I didn’t want my forced obedience to be an example to anyone. Both he and my mother tried to encourage me by reminding me that for a woman to take part in a spiritual marriage was the highest achievement she could reach. To them, I had been honored with this wonderful blessing.
After I came out of the bathroom, I was directed to go with the other brides to change for the luncheon. I had a hard time sitting next to Allen at the table. All through the lunch I could barely think, let alone eat. I was only ten minutes into it, and already my marriage was a nightmare.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ALL ALONE
The only true freedom of women is in the abiding of the holy Celestial law of marriage, submitting herself to her husband and head and living his law.
—RULON JEFFS
It was late afternoon when we loaded up into the cars for our trip back to Hildale. The ride was long and quiet, and I spent most of it in a daze, wondering where I’d be living upon our return. Over the past few years, I had been moved around so many times, and never with advance notice. Since learning that I would be married, I had been so busy contesting the marriage that I hadn’t thought about where we would live when it was all over.
I was relieved when we pulled up to Uncle Fred’s and saw the large Jessop family outside to greet us. Everyone had been excitedly awaiting our arrival, and some of the family began snapping pictures as we stepped out of the car. No pictures had been taken of the actual ceremonies because of the risk that the documentation would fall into the wrong hands, so these would be the first snapshots