Stolen Innocence - Lisa Pulitzer [86]
Teressa’s words resonated with me, and it was good to hear that maybe I was right. Maybe this wasn’t supposed to be happening. Maybe we weren’t doing what was proper. All I knew was that I just couldn’t continue doing what Allen wanted me to. I was surprised when Teressa expressed disappointment with our mother because she hadn’t told me what was going to happen after the marriage. But she was angry that Allen was forcing me to have relations with him, because I was so young. She had wanted him to wait.
By the end of our trip, I realized that Teressa must have spoken to someone else about my situation because the tension in the house began to mount and Allen wanted to get out of there. I was reluctant to say good-bye to my sisters, yet I was returning home with a sense of relief that I’d been able to share the truth with Teressa, and that she’d confirmed that what was happening was wrong.
“You do not let him do something to you that does not feel good,” Teressa instructed before our departure. “If he does, you tell somebody. You go to Uncle Fred and tell him what is going on.” Teressa wanted to tell him herself, but as an FLDS woman, she was forbidden to meddle in my marital affairs. As I stood there talking to her that day, I saw the same defiant spark in her eyes that I had always admired when I was growing up. Her certainty and her strength gave me hope. She was determined, and I took courage in her words.
On the way back from Canada, I learned that Lily had run away from her husband, Martin, and from the FLDS. Underneath her effort to keep sweet, she’d apparently been quite unhappy in her marriage and had escaped from Uncle Fred’s home soon after I’d left for Canada. Everyone was looking for her, and the priesthood was panicked. Some of Lily’s older brothers and sisters had left the FLDS Church, and everyone speculated that she had run off to be with them. People were fearful that the apostate part of her family would convince her to go public about her underage marriage, and by the time we arrived in Hildale, Lily’s disappearance was all anyone could talk about.
In the coming weeks, Allen resumed his work for Uncle Fred, helping with the care of the zoo. He was paid a small stipend, which he used for our living expenses. We didn’t have to pay room and board at Uncle Fred’s, but Allen needed money for gas and other miscellaneous things. Meanwhile, I tried my best to complete the ninth grade, but with the wedding, the honeymoon, and our trip to Canada, I had missed nearly a month of school, and in the end I failed my final exam.
Soon after our return, I set up an appointment with Uncle Warren. I was encouraged by Teressa’s advice and Lily’s bold move. I didn’t want to leave the FLDS—I just wanted to leave my marriage. I knew that if I left the religion, I would be forbidden to see my mother and younger sisters, and worse, I would lose my chance to go to heaven. Besides, where would I go? All I wanted was a solution that would allow me to remain with the little family I had left and in the only community I had ever known.
The more I thought about it, the more I believed that Uncle Warren would put an end to Allen’s activities. Everyone knew that he’d basically taken over for the ailing prophet. Trusting that he had the power to make Allen stop, I placed a call to Uncle Rulon’s compound. Uncle Warren’s brother Nephi, who acted as one of Warren’s scheduling secretaries, answered the phone. I told him that I needed to see Uncle Warren right away, but Nephi wouldn’t let me speak to him over the phone. “Well, what’s this concerning?” he asked.
“I just want to see him,” I replied, unwilling to provide any more information. Finally, I was given an appointment.
On the designated day, I was feeling optimistic as I stepped into the waiting room, but the looks I received from people coming in and out of the prophet’s office immediately unnerved me. Everybody knew that something big was happening if you were there to see Uncle Warren. Since I’d just gotten married, people