Straight Life - Art Pepper [233]
I saw her a couple more times, and each time I said, "Hello. How are you?" But I couldn't make contact with her. Then one day I got on the bus and noticed this same girl sitting right behind the bus driver facing the center of the bus, so I sat down across from her. She had on a little, short, purple dress. She really looked classy and very withdrawn. She had pretty eyes, very, very pretty eyes. She had thin lips, but they were sexy. Her whole thing was sexy. I looked down at her hands. Her hands were delicate, artistic. She was wearing little sandals, and she had the cutest little feet, like little doll feet, with cute little toes. I looked at her legs and saw that they were open a bit; I could see up underneath her dress; I could see these purple little panties. And that was so sexy and so exciting .... By then I didn't even bother to look away or to be cool. I devoured her with my eyes. The bus stopped, she got off, and she was gone. Instantly she was gone, before I could think of anything to say. I followed her and saw the place she went into. I asked somebody who the girl was in the purple dress and they said, "That's Laurie Miller." I said to myself, "That's it. That's for me. I'm going to have her. There's no question about it. I'm going to start a campaign tomorrow, and I'm going to get her or else."
The next day was Saturday. On Saturday night people would come in from the outside and visit. There was a speaker, and the band would play a hoopla, and the visitors - the prospec tive square game players - were taken on a tour. All the residents were supposed to go-to the Saturday night party. The dorm heads forced everyone to go; it was mandatory.
Some people really did do the "Synanon Thing." They'd go to the club on Saturday night, and if they saw any newcomer that was kinda lonely or looked sad they'd talk to them and run them a bunch of "data," tell them how great it was to be in Synanon and try to find out why they were unhappy and make them feel accepted and wanted and part of the group so they'd stay. And report them if they felt they were going to leave. Be a rat. And they'd show the visitors around and explain the "Synanon Philosophy."
I dressed up as best I could and got on the bus to go down to the club. As I'm riding I'm looking out the windows and I'm seeing people, the real people, the people who have been able to manage their lives, the free people. They were on the streets with chicks and cars, going into liquor stores, laughing, and having a ball. I remember reaching down and putting my hand on my stomach, where after the operation I still had the hernia, and I felt the bulge there and the pain I always feel, and I thought of the cirrhosis that was in my body, and this rare Italian blood disease the Synanon doctors had just informed me I had. I said, "Well, I've made my bed, now I gotta lie in it." I thought of getting off the bus and walking back toward town, going into a bar or a liquor store and bumming enough for a bottle of wine, making a phone call. Then I thought of Laurie; I thought of her and those little purple panties.
I got off the bus and I looked at every face. I went into the club. I looked and looked. I didn't want to ask anybody if they'd seen her because I didn't want to tip my hand. I was afraid if somebody found out I had eyes for her they'd try to shoot me out-somebody that had been there longer. I was afraid if they saw I dug her they'd think, "Wow, if he digs her and he's been around as much as he has, she must be a way-out broad." I figured I'd better keep it to myself. Also I didn't want to have anybody running up to her saying anything. I wanted to make the move myself. I looked all over; the place was packed. Then,