Stuff White People Like - Christian Lander [2]
Some of the other reasons include: it’s outside (white people love being outdoors), they can bring their dogs and children in expensive strollers, and they get to see other white people. If they are single, it’s a good place to meet other single white people who share their passion for sustainability.
If you are looking for an activity you can share with your white friends, nothing will progress the relationship faster than a trip to a farmer’s market.
6 Organic Food
Because of the balance of global wealth and power, there is a general assumption that white people are pretty shrewd. And for the most part, history has proven this to be true. But white people have one great weakness: organic food.
Just as with farmer’s markets, white people believe that organic food is grown by farmers who wear overalls, drive tractors, and don’t use pesticides. In spite of the fact that most organic food is made by major agribusiness, which just uses it as an excuse to jack up prices, white people will always lose their mind for organic anything. Never mind the fact that if the entire world were to switch to 100 percent organic food tomorrow there would be mass starvation and famine.
White people don’t care about this. As long as they aren’t eating pesticides, they are pretty sure they can live forever. It’s almost guaranteed that if some Colombian drug lord can start offering “organic” cocaine, he’ll be the richest guy ever.
7 Diversity
White people love ethnic diversity, but only as it relates to restaurants.
Many white people from cities like Los Angeles, San Francisco, and New York will spend hours talking about how great it is that they can get sushi and tacos on the same street. But they will also send their kids to private school with other rich white kids so that they can avoid the “low test scores” that come with educational diversity. It’s important to note that white people do not like to be called out on this fact. It will make them feel even more guilty than they already do.
If you run an ethnic restaurant you can be guaranteed repeat business and huge tips if you act like your white customers are adventurous and cultured for eating food that isn’t sandwiches or pasta. In fact, even if you do not own a restaurant, it’s a good idea to congratulate white people for being adventurous eaters. It will make their year.
8 Barack Obama
White people like Barack Obama because they are afraid that if they don’t they will be considered racist.
9 Making You Feel Bad for Not Going Outside
As mentioned earlier, white people love to be outside. But not everyone knows that another thing they like to do is make people feel bad for wanting to watch sports on TV or play video games. While it would be easy to get angry at white people for this, remember it is hardwired in their heads that the greatest thing people can do in their free time is hike/walk/bike outdoors.
Usually, they will see that you are preparing to enjoy your life and they will say, “Hey, let’s go for a hike in the park,” and most people will say, “Hey, thanks, but I’ve been working all week and I’m really excited about watching this game,” and then they will respond, “Don’t be a lump on the couch, you’re wasting your life away,” etc. If you ignore them, they will eventually go away.
And, much like most things with white people, they win both ways. If you decide to go with them, they feel good about getting someone off the couch and “into the fresh air,” and if you don’t go, they can spend their entire time outdoors saying, “Boy, this is great, X doesn’t know what he/she is missing!” and running on a mix of self-satisfaction, Odwalla juice, and muesli.
10 Wes Anderson Movies
White people love Wes Anderson movies more than they love their kids. If a white guy takes a white girl to a Wes Anderson movie on their first date, and neither of them have seen it, they will immediately commence a relationship that is reflected in songs by Ryan Adams and Bright Eyes.
Wes Anderson movies have this