Stupid White Men-- and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation! - Michael Moore [63]
I have lived my entire life in households where men were decidedly in the minority. I have no brothers, but two wonderful sisters. Between them and our mother, they made sure I did all the “woman’s work” in the house, while my dad was granted occasional leave to watch a Sunday golf tournament. I tried to even things out a bit, claiming I deserved more of a say because I was the oldest, but that only galvanized my sisters’ childhood feminist majority. To this day, as testimony to their assertive behavior, those who meet us when we , re together are convinced that my sisters are older than I am, and that I’m the baby of the family.
I now live with my wife and my daughter. Outnumbered again. Whatever frightening male habits were not exorcised by my sisters and mother, these two have been merciless in finishing off. The latest was breaking me of spitting toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror while brushing my teeth. That one only took nineteen years. They tell me the list is now down to a single page, with only three or four appalling behaviors left to annihilate (balancing my Big Gulp in the open space on the steering wheel while driving; leaving permanent ink stains on the arm of the chair I fall asleep in; snoring—though I fear this one may ultimately only be corrected by a pillow being “accidentally” slipped over my face and mysteriously held there, tightly, for a good three to five minutes).
Truth be told, I am a better person for having lived my life surrounded by strong, intelligent, and loving women. It just would have been nice to play catch. Once.
My parents have no grandsons. My sisters and I have only daughters. My wife’s parents had four daughters and only two boys. They, in turn, produced eight more girls and only two additional boys. My wife’s two brothers and I have only girls. Our family hasn’t seen a game of tackle football or mumblety-peg since high school. This sacrifice appears to have gone unnoticed by nearly everyone involved.
I offer this little glimpse into the gender makeup of my family to point out a much larger discovery I’ve made. Pondering this lopsided ratio, I began asking around to find out if other people were experiencing the same thing—more girl babies being born than boy babies. Much to my surprise, I was not alone.
Lately, when I’m asked to speak at a university or community group, I leave the prepared agenda for a moment to ask how many in the room are seeing more girls being born in their families than boys. Scores of hands always shoot up.
Countless people began sharing their secret with me—that the ranks of boys are dwindling. In some families, it seems, they’re altogether extinct. I always reassure them that there’s no need to feel any shame in their inability to produce male offspring.
Then it hit me ... something is up.
And sure enough, something is. The Census Bureau confirms that the number of male babies being born has been declining every year in the United States since 1990! Plus, women are living longer and longer: 80 years, on average, versus only 74.2 for men. When I was a kid, the country seemed pretty much 50-50 male-female, with women maybe holding a slight lead. Then the ratio went to 51-49, with women in the majority. Soon it’ll be 52-48.
So I have come to one ugly but irrefutable conclusion:
Guys! Nature is trying to kill us off!
Why is Mother Nature doing this? Are we not the carriers of the seed of life? What have we men done to deserve this?
As it turns out, plenty.
In the early years of Man, we served a critical and necessary function in the growth of the species. We hunted and gathered the food, protected the women and children from larger animals conspiring to eat them, and