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national legislation affecting equal pay. The Fair Pay Act would allow women to bring suit based on the principle of equal pay for equal work and would allow employees within a single company to sue if they believe they are being paid less than someone with an equivalent job and equivalent training. The Paycheck Fairness Act provides for higher damages in these types of lawsuits and protects employees who share salary information. The Center for Policy Alternatives has been working for pay equity for the past twenty-five years. To find out more, go to www.cfpa.org, or contact them at 202-387-6030.

Finally, join a union—or try to start one. According to the AFL-CIO, a thirty-year-old female union member making $30,000 a year stands to lose about $650,133 over a lifetime because of unequal pay. If she’s not a union member, on the other hand, she’ll lose about $870,327. If you convince the other men on the job to unionize the establishment, then you’ll have greatly improved your female coworkers’ lives, and your own.

HOW WOMEN CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT MEN

1. Visit a Sperm Bank or an Adoption Agency. most communities have adoption agencies or sperm banks available for women who would love to have children but, for whatever reason, want to do it without a man. It’s good for kids to have two parents (and easier for the parents, too!), but everything you’ve heard about how damaged children turn out to be if they were raised by a single mother—well, that’s one of the Big Lies of our culture. In his book The Culture of Fear, Barry Glassner points out that “those raised by single mothers had income and education levels roughly equal to those raised by two parents. Research shows that as a group, children of single moms tend to fare better emotionally and socially than do offspring from high conflict marriages, or from those in which the father is emotionally absent or abusive.”

2. Learn Where to Buy a Stepladder. There are many fine brands, sizes, and styles available at affordable prices. Try Home Depot at www.homedepot.com. And for further information about this revolutionary invention, go to the American Ladder Institute Web site at www.americanladderinstitute.org.

3. When All Else Fails, Love Yourself. Some folks who can lend a hand (so to speak):

By phone or online:

Good Vibrations

800-289-8423 or 415-974-8990

www.goodvibes.com

The Pleasure Chest

800-753-4536 fax: 323-650-1176

www.thepleasurechest.com

Xandria

800-242-2823 or 415-468-3805 fax: 415-468-3912

www.xandria.com

Retail stores:

Good Vibrations

2504 San Pablo Avenue

Berkeley, CA 94702

510-841-8987

The Pleasure Chest

7733 Santa Monica Blvd.

Santa Monica, CA 90046

323-650-1022

Xandria

1210 Valencia Street

San Francisco, CA 94110

415-974-8980

Chapter 7 notes

7-147

How to Trick Nature into Making More Men

• A company in Virginia has developed a method that allows you to choose the gender of your baby. The Genetic and IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) Institute, an infertility clinic in Fairfax, Virginia, uses a process that separates the male chromosome from the female chromosome sperm, allowing parents to determine the sex of their baby before it is conceived. Be EXTRA nice to your wife before going to this clinic, because ultimately it’s her right to decide what is placed inside her body. And give these people in Virginia more federal funds!

• Keep Your Sperm Strong. Quit violating yourself on a daily basis. It weakens the sperm and lessens their numbers.

• Before sex, think manly thoughts. Go over the instant replay one more time in your head. You would never have let that ball roll between your legs in game six of the ‘86 World Series. Hear the crowd at Shea roar as you scoop up the ball and throw Ray Knight out! You did it! You da MAN!

• Conceive your children earlier in life. A recent epidemiological study concluded that older parents are more likely to have girls than boys.

7-148

Other Things Already Rendered Useless by Nature

• Typewriters

• The Washington Senators

• Bosco

• Walking

• Skorts

• The busy signal