Supercoach - Michael Neill [58]
3. Make a list of “forbidden” words—ones you would never even think of using in polite company. Choose a different word for each of the next seven days and work it into your conversations as often as you can.
4. Go to a place of business and deliberately ask for a product or service you know they don’t provide. Order a pizza in a Chinese restaurant. Walk into a clothing store and ask them to repair your vacuum cleaner. No matter how they react, stick with your request until you’re ready to leave.
5. Choose a store you’ve never been to before. Pick an item off the shelf, go to the checkout, and offer 10 percent of the asking price in cash—$1 for a $10 book, $50 for a $500 television set, and so on.
Here’s a simple exercise I teach my clients that will help you prepare for any request you want to put forth without taking things personally:
The Circle
1. Imagine you’re sitting at the very center of a circle.
2. Now, imagine that all the people who love and care for you are taking their places in that circle and are looking directly at you in a loving way. Don’t limit yourself to “reality”—your circle can include people from your past, present, and future; it can include pets, characters from books and movies, and even divine beings. Keep filling the circle until you feel almost overwhelmed by an absolute knowing that no matter what you do or don’t do, you’re loved exactly the way that you are.
3. When you’re ready, imagine someone you want to make a request of standing outside the circle. Continue to feel the love and care of your circle as you ask the person for what you want, from them and for them.
Once you’ve had the experience of being safely inside, there are a number of fun ways of making use of the circle to recondition your thinking about how easy it can be to ask for what you want:
• From within your circle, imagine the person says “no” out of fear that you’ll somehow “make” them do something. Can you see the fear? How else could you respond to put them at ease?
• “Now, imagine them saying no” because they don’t have enough information. What could you do to make sure they really know how much what you’re asking will do for them, directly or indirectly?
• Imagine they’re saying “no” because they simply don’t want to. What would it be like to just thank them for listening and move on to the next person?
• Tune back in to the loving faces and energy in your circle until you can hear that “no” and know it can’t harm you in any way, shape, or form. Then imagine yourself asking person after person again and again until some begin to enthusiastically say “yes” to your request!
• What’s the worst thing you can imagine someone saying or doing in response to your request? Is it punching you in the face? Shouting at you? Pointing at you and laughing and whispering to their friends? Whatever it is, connect with the energy of your circle and watch them do what they do, knowing that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own unhappiness, confusion, and misunderstanding.
• Finally, imagine the person you’re asking saying an enthusiastic “Yes!” to your request. Notice that even though you’re pleased with this response, the feeling of connection with your circle is an even deeper, more wonderful feeling than the pleasure of the “yes.”
Take your circle with you into the world. Tune back in to it in the moments before you approach anyone about anything until you know that no matter what happens, you are safe, valued, and loved.
And of course, if you want me there, I look forward to seeing you in your circle!
In a nutshell:
• You can ask anyone for anything when you make it okay for them to say “no.”
• A “no” is never about you, even if the other person thinks it is.
• When you see the people around you as being both unique and “just like you”—no better and no worse—you open up the gateway to more love, deeper connection, and longer-lasting relationships.