The Artemis Fowl Files - Eoin Colfer [22]
Trouble Kelp or Holly Short? Who is the better Recon officer in your opinion?
Trouble is more reliable, but Holly is more instinctive. If I were stuck in a diabolical trap, I would want Trouble to find the trap and Holly to get me out of it.
Do you think that Mud Men and fairies could ever live in harmony?
I doubt it. Mud Men can’t even live in harmony with themselves. Though I have to admit that our surveillance has revealed a substantial mood swing among the younger generations over the past few years. They are less war like and more understanding. So maybe there is a glimmer of hope after all.
What is your favorite book?
Stig of the Dump.
What is your favorite song?
“The Great Beyond” by REM.
What is your favorite film?
The Silence of the Lambs.
What are your most treasured possessions?
Books.
When did you start writing?
My first attempt at proper writing was way back in sixth grade. I wrote a play for the class about Norse gods. Everyone died in the end except me.
Where do you get your ideas and inspiration from?
Inspiration comes from experience. My imagination is like acauldron bubbling with all the things I’ve seen and places I’ve visited. My brain mixes them all up and regurgitates them in a way that I hope is original.
Can you give your top three tips to becoming a successful author?
1. Practice. Write everydayeven if it’s only for ten minutes. Remember, nothing is wasted. Eventually your style will emerge. Persevere! 2. Don’t submit your manuscript until it is as good as you can make it. Edit! Cut! Chop! Trust your editor. 3. Get a good agent. They will find the publisher that is right for you.
What is your favorite memory?
One of my favorite memories is from my wedding day, when my wife and her three sisters lined up for an impromptu Irish dancing session—a precursor to Riverdance.
Where is your favorite place in the world and why?
Slade, a small fishing village in Ireland. It’s where I spent the holidays of my youth fishing, and now I go back with my own son.
What are your hobbies?
My main hobby is reading: I even read the labels on jars! I also love the theater and have written a few plays. I have recently been introduced to parachuting!
If you hadn’t been a writer, what do you think you would have been?
If I hadn’t become a writer, I think I would have continued as a primary-school teacher. Kids areagreat source of inspiration.
Saint Bartleby’s School for Young Gentlemen
Annual Report
Student: Artemis Fowl II
Year: First
Fees: Paid
Tutor: Dr.Po
Language Arts
As far as I can tell, Artemis has made absolutely no progress since the beginning of the year. This is because his abilities are beyond the scope of my experience. He memorizes and understands Shakespeare after a single reading. He finds mistakes in every exercise I administer, and has taken to chuckling gently when I attempt to explain some of the more complex texts. Next year I intend to grant his request and give him a library pass during my class.
Mathematics
Artemis is an infuriating boy. One day he answers all my questions correctly, and the next every answer is wrong. He calls this an example of the chaos theory, and says that he is only trying to prepare me for the real world. He says the notion of infinity is ridiculous. Frankly,I am not trained to deal with a boy like Artemis. Most of my pupils have trouble counting without the aid of their fingers.I am sorry to say, there is nothing I can teach Artemis about mathematics, but someone should teach him some manners.
Social Studies
Artemis distrusts all history texts, because he says history is written by the victors. He prefers living history, where survivors of certain events can actually be interviewed. Obviously this makes studying the Middle Ages some what difficult. Artemis has asked for permission to build a time machine next year during our double periods so that the entire class may view medieval Ireland