The Bro Code - Barney Stinson [12]
ARTICLE 101
If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave.* This is what makes them Bros, not chicks.
NOTE: A woman’s lust for gossip is matched only by her passion to have babies and accessorize. As such, a Bro should take heed when divulging a secret to a married Bro.
ARTICLE 102
A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.
WINGMAN APPLICATION
Name:
____________________________________________________________
Alias:
____________________________________________________________
(e.g., Jack Package, the Barnacle)
Special Skills:
(e.g., PowerPoint, speak German, masseur)
On the scale below, please rate your attractiveness.
1——2——3——4——5——6——7——8——9——Barney Stinson
Multiple Choice
You are the sessions drummer for Van Halen. Who is not your lead singer?
a. David Lee Roth
b. Gary Cherone
c. Sammy Hagar
d. Barney Stinson
Historically, a chick does not enjoy jokes about her:
a. face
b. shoes
c. intelligence
d. none of the above
Short Answer
You are character A. Character B is your wingman. Explain what game you would run and why.
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Essay Question
On the back of this application, write about a person who has made a significant impact on your life.
ARTICLE 103
A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it.
ARTICLE 104
The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing…provided she looks good in it…but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes.
Be it here resolved that at no point is it permissible for one Bro to engage in carnal delicacies with another Bro’s mother. It is, however, allowed and encouraged for one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic feats, animalia, and/or machinery utilized during a fictional encounter with his mom. (Nota bene: It is customary for a Bro to avoid such Brocularity if his Bro’s mom is a nine or better, for fear of Oedipal inducement.) Should a Bro discover his Bro is adopted, he is free to pursue his Bro’s adoptive mother, but only after first corroborating nonbiological parentage through notarized birth certificates, hospital records, or comparative deoxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis, whichever is most convenient.
ARTICLE 105
If a Bro is not invited to another Bro’s wedding, he doesn’t make a big deal out of it, even if, let’s face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It’s cool. No big whoop.
ARTICLE 106
Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night.
ARTICLE 107
A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging.
Besides the obvious health hazards inherent in keeping an arm aloft for an extended period of time, the emotional effects of leaving a Bro out to dry in public can be devastating. If you ever see a Bro, even one you don’t know, looking around frantically with a paw held high in the air, throw him a Brone and hit him up top.
COMMON BRO FIVES
CLASSIC FIVE
THE FIST BUMP
THE EXPLODING FIST BUMP
AROUND THE WORLD
THE SELF FIVE
THE RELAPSE FIVE
BRO CODE FIVE!
(tear this one out and carry it with you so you’ll never be left hanging…)
ARTICLE 108
If a Bro forgets a guy’s name, he may call him “brah,” “dude,” or “man,” but never “Bro.”
ARTICLE 109
When Bros attend a sporting event and see