The Contrast [16]
these strange lodgers that came to the house last night?
JESSAMY
Why, the master is a Yankee colonel; I have not seen much of him; but the man is the most unpol- ished animal your honour ever disgraced your eyes by looking upon. I have had one of the most outre con- versations with him!--He really has a most prodig- ious effect upon my risibility.
DIMPLE
I ought, according to every rule of Chesterfield, to wait on him and insinuate myself into his good graces.--Jessamy, wait on the colonel with my com- pliments, and if he is disengaged I will do myself the honour of paying him my respects.--Some ignorant, unpolished boor--
JESSAMY goes off and returns.
JESSAMY
Sir, the colonel is gone out, and Jonathan his ser- vant says that he is gone to stretch his legs upon the Mall.--Stretch his legs! what an indelicacy of diction!
DIMPLE
Very well. Reach me my hat and sword. I'll ac- cost him there, in my way to Letitia's, as by accident; pretend to be struck by his person and address, and endeavour to steal into his confidence. Jessamy, I have no business for you at present. [Exit.
JESSAMY [taking up the book].
My master and I obtain our knowledge from the same source;--though, gad! I think myself much the prettier fellow of the two. [Surveying himself in the glass.] That was a brilliant thought, to insinuate that I folded my master's letters for him; the folding is so neat, that it does honour to the operator. I once in- tended to have insinuated that I wrote his letters too; but that was before I saw them; it won't do now; no honour there, positively.--"Nothing looks more vulgar, [reading affectedly] ordinary, and illiberal than ugly, uneven, and ragged nails; the ends of which should be kept even and clean, not tipped with black, and cut in small segments of circles."--Segments of circles! surely my lord did not consider that he wrote for the beaux. Segments of circles; what a crabbed term! Now I dare answer that my master, with all his learning, does not know that this means, according to the present mode, let the nails grow long, and then cut them off even at top. [Laughing without.] Ha! that's Jenny's titter. I protest I despair of ever teaching that girl to laugh; she has something so execrably natural in her laugh, that I declare it absolutely dis- composes my nerves. How came she into our house! [Calls.] Jenny!
Enter JENNY.
JESSAMY
Prythee, Jenny, don't spoil your fine face with laughing.
JENNY
Why, mustn't I laugh, Mr. Jessamy?
JESSAMY
You may smile, but, as my lord says, nothing can authorise a laugh.
JENNY
Well, but I can't help laughing.--Have you seen him, Mr. Jessamy? ha, ha, ha!
JESSAMY
Seen whom?
JENNY
Why, Jonathan, the New England colonel's servant. Do you know he was at the play last night, and the stupid creature don't know where he has been. He would not go to a play for the world; he thinks it was a show, as he calls it.
JESSAMY
As ignorant and unpolished as he is, do you know, Miss Jenny, that I propose to introduce him to the honour of your acquaintance?
JENNY
Introduce him to me! for what?
JESSAMY
Why, my lovely girl, that you may take him under your protection, as Madame Ramboulliet did young Stanhope; that you may, by your plastic hand, mould this uncouth cub into a gentleman. He is to make love to you.
JENNY
Make love to me!--
JESSAMY
Yes, Mistress Jenny, make love to you; and, I doubt not, when he shall become domesticated in your kitchen, that this boor, under your auspices, will soon become un amiable petit Jonathan.
JENNY
I must say, Mr. Jessamy, if he copies after me, he will be vastly, monstrously polite.
JESSAMY
Stay here one moment, and I will call him.--Jona- than!--Mr. Jonathan!--[Calls.]
JONATHAN [within]
Holla! there.--[Enters.] You promise to stand by me--six bows you say. [Bows.]
JESSAMY
Mrs. Jenny, I have the honour of presenting Mr. Jonathan, Colonel Manly's waiter, to you. I am ex- tremely happy
JESSAMY
Why, the master is a Yankee colonel; I have not seen much of him; but the man is the most unpol- ished animal your honour ever disgraced your eyes by looking upon. I have had one of the most outre con- versations with him!--He really has a most prodig- ious effect upon my risibility.
DIMPLE
I ought, according to every rule of Chesterfield, to wait on him and insinuate myself into his good graces.--Jessamy, wait on the colonel with my com- pliments, and if he is disengaged I will do myself the honour of paying him my respects.--Some ignorant, unpolished boor--
JESSAMY goes off and returns.
JESSAMY
Sir, the colonel is gone out, and Jonathan his ser- vant says that he is gone to stretch his legs upon the Mall.--Stretch his legs! what an indelicacy of diction!
DIMPLE
Very well. Reach me my hat and sword. I'll ac- cost him there, in my way to Letitia's, as by accident; pretend to be struck by his person and address, and endeavour to steal into his confidence. Jessamy, I have no business for you at present. [Exit.
JESSAMY [taking up the book].
My master and I obtain our knowledge from the same source;--though, gad! I think myself much the prettier fellow of the two. [Surveying himself in the glass.] That was a brilliant thought, to insinuate that I folded my master's letters for him; the folding is so neat, that it does honour to the operator. I once in- tended to have insinuated that I wrote his letters too; but that was before I saw them; it won't do now; no honour there, positively.--"Nothing looks more vulgar, [reading affectedly] ordinary, and illiberal than ugly, uneven, and ragged nails; the ends of which should be kept even and clean, not tipped with black, and cut in small segments of circles."--Segments of circles! surely my lord did not consider that he wrote for the beaux. Segments of circles; what a crabbed term! Now I dare answer that my master, with all his learning, does not know that this means, according to the present mode, let the nails grow long, and then cut them off even at top. [Laughing without.] Ha! that's Jenny's titter. I protest I despair of ever teaching that girl to laugh; she has something so execrably natural in her laugh, that I declare it absolutely dis- composes my nerves. How came she into our house! [Calls.] Jenny!
Enter JENNY.
JESSAMY
Prythee, Jenny, don't spoil your fine face with laughing.
JENNY
Why, mustn't I laugh, Mr. Jessamy?
JESSAMY
You may smile, but, as my lord says, nothing can authorise a laugh.
JENNY
Well, but I can't help laughing.--Have you seen him, Mr. Jessamy? ha, ha, ha!
JESSAMY
Seen whom?
JENNY
Why, Jonathan, the New England colonel's servant. Do you know he was at the play last night, and the stupid creature don't know where he has been. He would not go to a play for the world; he thinks it was a show, as he calls it.
JESSAMY
As ignorant and unpolished as he is, do you know, Miss Jenny, that I propose to introduce him to the honour of your acquaintance?
JENNY
Introduce him to me! for what?
JESSAMY
Why, my lovely girl, that you may take him under your protection, as Madame Ramboulliet did young Stanhope; that you may, by your plastic hand, mould this uncouth cub into a gentleman. He is to make love to you.
JENNY
Make love to me!--
JESSAMY
Yes, Mistress Jenny, make love to you; and, I doubt not, when he shall become domesticated in your kitchen, that this boor, under your auspices, will soon become un amiable petit Jonathan.
JENNY
I must say, Mr. Jessamy, if he copies after me, he will be vastly, monstrously polite.
JESSAMY
Stay here one moment, and I will call him.--Jona- than!--Mr. Jonathan!--[Calls.]
JONATHAN [within]
Holla! there.--[Enters.] You promise to stand by me--six bows you say. [Bows.]
JESSAMY
Mrs. Jenny, I have the honour of presenting Mr. Jonathan, Colonel Manly's waiter, to you. I am ex- tremely happy