The Contrast [17]
that I have it in my power to make two worthy people acquainted with each other's merits.
JENNY
So, Mr. Jonathan, I hear you were at the play last night.
JONATHAN
At the play! why, did you think I went to the devil's drawing-room?
JENNY
The devil's drawing-room!
JONATHAN
Yes; why an't cards and dice the devil's device, and the play-house the shop where the devil hangs out the vanities of the world upon the tenter-hooks of temptation? I believe you have not heard how they were acting the old boy one night, and the wicked one came among them sure enough, and went right off in a storm, and carried one quarter of the play-house with him. Oh! no, no, no! you won't catch me at a play-house, I warrant you.
JENNY
Well, Mr. Jonathan, though I don't scruple your veracity, I have some reasons for believing you were there: pray, where were you about six o'clock?
JONATHAN
Why, I went to see one Mr. Morrison, the hocus pocus man; they said as how he could eat a case knife.
JENNY
Well, and how did you find the place?
JONATHAN
As I was going about here and there, to and again, to find it, I saw a great crowd of folks going into a long entry that had lantherns over the door; so I asked a man whether that was not the place where they played hocus pocus? He was a very civil, kind man, though he did speak like the Hessians; he lifted up his eyes and said, "They play hocus pocus tricks enough there, Got knows, mine friend."
JENNY
Well--
JONATHAN
So I went right in, and they shewed me away, clean up to the garret, just like meeting-house gallery. And so I saw a bower of topping folks, all sitting round in little cabbins, "just like father's corn-cribs"; and then there was such a squeaking with the fiddles, and such a tarnal blaze with the lights, my head was near turned. At last the people that sat near me set up such a hissing--hiss--like so many mad cats; and then they went thump, thump, thump, just like our Peleg threshing wheat, and stampt away, just like the nation; and called out for one Mr. Langolee,--I suppose he helps act the tricks.
JENNY
Well, and what did you do all this time?
JONATHAN
Gor, I--I liked the fun, and so I thumpt away, and hiss'd as lustily as the best of 'em. One sailor- looking man that sat by me, seeing me stamp, and knowing I was a cute fellow, because I could make a roaring noise, clapt me on the shoulder and said, "You are a d---d hearty cock, smite my timbers!" I told him so I was, but I thought he need not swear so, and make use of such naughty words.
JESSAMY
The savage!--Well, and did you see the man with his tricks?
JONATHAN
Why, I vow, as I was looking out for him, they lifted up a great green cloth and let us look right into the next neighbor's house. Have you a good many houses in New-York made so in that 'ere way?
JENNY
Not many; but did you see the family?
JONATHAN
Yes, swamp it; I see'd the family.
JENNY
Well, and how did you like them?
JONATHAN
Why, I vow they were pretty much like other families;--there was a poor, good-natured, curse of a husband, and a sad rantipole of a wife.
JENNY
But did you see no other folks?
JONATHAN
Yes. There was one youngster; they called him Mr. Joseph; he talked as sober and as pious as a minister; but, like some ministers that I know, he was a sly tike in his heart for all that. He was going to ask a young woman to spark it with him, and--the Lord have mercy on my soul!--she was another man's wife.
JESSAMY
The Wabash!
JENNY
And did you see any more folks?
JONATHAN
Why, they came on as thick as mustard. For my part, I thought the house was haunted. There was a soldier fellow, who talked about his row de dow, dow, and courted a young woman; but, of all the cute folk I saw, I liked one little fellow--
JENNY
Aye! who was he?
JONATHAN
Why, he had red hair, and a little round plump face like mine, only not altogether so handsome. His name was--Darby;--that was his baptizing
JENNY
So, Mr. Jonathan, I hear you were at the play last night.
JONATHAN
At the play! why, did you think I went to the devil's drawing-room?
JENNY
The devil's drawing-room!
JONATHAN
Yes; why an't cards and dice the devil's device, and the play-house the shop where the devil hangs out the vanities of the world upon the tenter-hooks of temptation? I believe you have not heard how they were acting the old boy one night, and the wicked one came among them sure enough, and went right off in a storm, and carried one quarter of the play-house with him. Oh! no, no, no! you won't catch me at a play-house, I warrant you.
JENNY
Well, Mr. Jonathan, though I don't scruple your veracity, I have some reasons for believing you were there: pray, where were you about six o'clock?
JONATHAN
Why, I went to see one Mr. Morrison, the hocus pocus man; they said as how he could eat a case knife.
JENNY
Well, and how did you find the place?
JONATHAN
As I was going about here and there, to and again, to find it, I saw a great crowd of folks going into a long entry that had lantherns over the door; so I asked a man whether that was not the place where they played hocus pocus? He was a very civil, kind man, though he did speak like the Hessians; he lifted up his eyes and said, "They play hocus pocus tricks enough there, Got knows, mine friend."
JENNY
Well--
JONATHAN
So I went right in, and they shewed me away, clean up to the garret, just like meeting-house gallery. And so I saw a bower of topping folks, all sitting round in little cabbins, "just like father's corn-cribs"; and then there was such a squeaking with the fiddles, and such a tarnal blaze with the lights, my head was near turned. At last the people that sat near me set up such a hissing--hiss--like so many mad cats; and then they went thump, thump, thump, just like our Peleg threshing wheat, and stampt away, just like the nation; and called out for one Mr. Langolee,--I suppose he helps act the tricks.
JENNY
Well, and what did you do all this time?
JONATHAN
Gor, I--I liked the fun, and so I thumpt away, and hiss'd as lustily as the best of 'em. One sailor- looking man that sat by me, seeing me stamp, and knowing I was a cute fellow, because I could make a roaring noise, clapt me on the shoulder and said, "You are a d---d hearty cock, smite my timbers!" I told him so I was, but I thought he need not swear so, and make use of such naughty words.
JESSAMY
The savage!--Well, and did you see the man with his tricks?
JONATHAN
Why, I vow, as I was looking out for him, they lifted up a great green cloth and let us look right into the next neighbor's house. Have you a good many houses in New-York made so in that 'ere way?
JENNY
Not many; but did you see the family?
JONATHAN
Yes, swamp it; I see'd the family.
JENNY
Well, and how did you like them?
JONATHAN
Why, I vow they were pretty much like other families;--there was a poor, good-natured, curse of a husband, and a sad rantipole of a wife.
JENNY
But did you see no other folks?
JONATHAN
Yes. There was one youngster; they called him Mr. Joseph; he talked as sober and as pious as a minister; but, like some ministers that I know, he was a sly tike in his heart for all that. He was going to ask a young woman to spark it with him, and--the Lord have mercy on my soul!--she was another man's wife.
JESSAMY
The Wabash!
JENNY
And did you see any more folks?
JONATHAN
Why, they came on as thick as mustard. For my part, I thought the house was haunted. There was a soldier fellow, who talked about his row de dow, dow, and courted a young woman; but, of all the cute folk I saw, I liked one little fellow--
JENNY
Aye! who was he?
JONATHAN
Why, he had red hair, and a little round plump face like mine, only not altogether so handsome. His name was--Darby;--that was his baptizing