The Deeper Meaning of Liff - Douglas Adams [13]
One who continually and publicly rearranges the position of his genitals.
Gruids (GREW-idz) n.
The only bits of an animal left after even the people who make sausage rolls have been at it.
Grutness (GRUT-ness) n.
The resolve with which the Queen sits through five days of Polynesian folk dancing.
Gubblecote (GUB-ul-koht) n.
Deformation of the palate caused by biting into too many Toblerones.
Guernsey (GERN-zee) adj.
Queasy but unbowed. The kind of feeling one gets when discovering a plastic compartment in a fridge in which things are growing, usually fertilized by copious quantities of goosnargh (q.v.).
Gulberwick (GUL-ber-wik) n.
The small particle that you always think you’ve got stuck in the back of your throat after you’ve been sick.
Gussage (GUSS-idj) n.
Dress-making talk.
Gweek (gweek) n.
A coat hanger recycled as a car aerial.
H
Hadweenzic (had-WEEN-zik) adj.
Resistant to tweezers.
Hadzor (HAD-zer) n.
A sharp instrument placed in the basin which makes it easier to cut yourself.
Hagnaby (HAG-nay-bee) n.
Someone who looked a lot more attractive in the disco than she does in your bed the next morning.
Halcro (HAL-kroh) n.
An adhesive cloth designed to fasten baby clothes together. Thousands of tiny pieces of jam “hook” on to thousands of pieces of dribble, enabling the cloth to become “sticky.”
Halifax (HAL-i-faks) n.
The green synthetic Astroturf on which greengrocers display their vegetables.
Hallspill (HAWL-spil) n.
The name for the adventurous party-goers who don’t spend the whole time in the kitchen.
Hambledon (HAM-bul-den) n.
The sound of a single-engined aircraft flying by, heard while lying in a meadow in New England, which somehow concentrates the silence and sense of space and timelessness and leaves one with the feeling of something or other.
Hankate (HAN-kayt) adj.
Congenitally incapable of ever having a paper tissue.
Happas (HAPP-as) n.
The amusement caused by passport photos.
Happle (HAP-pul) vb.
To annoy people by finishing their sentences for them and then telling them what they really meant to say.
Harbledown (HAR-bul-down) vb.
To maneuver a double mattress down a winding staircase.
Harbottle (HAR-bot-ul) n.
A particular kind of fly which lives inside double glazing.
Harlosh (HAR-losh) vb.
To redistribute the hot water in a bath.
Harmanger (HAR-man-jer) n.
The person who takes the blame while the manager you demanded to see hides in his office.
Harpenden (HAR-pen-dn) n.
The coda to a phone conversation, consisting of about eight exchanges, by which people try gracefully to get off the line.
Haselbury Plucknett (HAY-zul-bree PLUK-net) n.
A mechanical device for cleaning combs invented during the industrial revolution at the same time as Arkwright’s Spinning Jenny, but which didn’t catch on in the same way.
Hassop (HAS-sup) n.
The pocket down the back of an armchair used for storing pennies and bits of Lego.
Hastings (HAYS-tings) pl. n.
Things said on the spur of the moment to explain to someone who unexpectedly comes into a room precisely what it is you are doing.
Hathersage (HATH-a-saydj) n.
The tiny snippets of beard which coat the inside of a washbasin after shaving in it.
Haugham (hawm) n.
One who loudly informs other diners in a restaurant what kind of man he is by calling the chef by his Christian name from the lobby.
Haxby (HAKS-bee) n.
Any gardening implement found in a tool shed whose exact purpose is unclear.
Heanton Punchardon (HEEN-tn pun-CHARD’n) n.
A violent argument that breaks out in the car on the way home from a party between a couple who have had to be polite to each other in company all evening.
Henstridge (HEN-stridj) n.
A dried yellow substance found between the prongs of forks in restaurants.
Hepple (HEP-pul) vb.
To sculpt the contents of a sugar bowl.
Herstmonceux (HERST-mon-SUR) n.
The correct name for the gold medallion worn by someone who is in the habit of wearing his shirt open to the waist.
Hessle (HES-sul) vb.
To try to sort out which sleeve of a sweater is inside out when you