The Deeper Meaning of Liff - Douglas Adams [15]
i
Ible (IGH-bull) adj.
Clever but lazy.
Ibstock (IBZ-tok) n.
Anything used to make a noise on a corrugated iron wall or chainlink fence by dragging it along the surface while walking past it. “Mr Bennett thoughtfully selected a stout ibstock and left the house.”
-Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, II
Imber (IM-ber) vb.
To lean from side to side while watching a car chase in the cinema.
Inigonish (in-i-GOH-nish) adj.
Descriptive of the expression on the face of a dinner party guest which is meant to indicate huge enjoyment to the hosts and “time to go home, I think” to your partner. An inigonish is usually the prelude to a heanton punchardon (q.v.).
Inverinate (in-VER-i-nayt) vb.
To spot that both people in a heated argument are talking complete rubbish.
Inverkeithing (in-ver-KEE-thing) ptcpl. vb.
Addressing someone by mumble because you can only remember the first letter of their name.
Iping (IGH-ping) ptcpl. vb.
The increasingly anxious shifting from leg to leg you go through when you are desperate to go to the lavatory and the person you are talking to keeps on remembering a few final things he wants to mention.
Ipplepen (IP-pul-pen) n.
A useless writing implement made by taping six ballpoint pens together, which is supposed to make it easier to write one hundred lines.
Ipswich (IPS-wich) n.
The sound at the other end of the telephone which tells you that the automatic exchange is working very hard but is intending not actually to connect you this time, merely to let you know how difficult it is.
Islesteps (IGH-zul-steps) pl. n..
Cautious movements toward the bathroom in a strange house in the dark.
J
Jalingo (ja-LING-goh) n.
The alacrity with which a grimbister (q.v.) breaks up as soon as the police car turns off.
Jarrow (JA-roh) adj.
An agricultural device which, when towed behind a tractor, enables the farmer to spread his dung evenly across the width of the road.
Jawcraig (JAW-krayg) n.
(Medical) A massive facial spasm which is brought on by being told a really astounding piece of news. A mysterious attack of jawcraig affected forty thousand sheep in Wales in 1952.
Jawf (JAWF) n.
Conversation between two soccer hooligans on a train.
Jeffers (JEFF-erz) pl. n.
Persons who honestly believe that a business lunch is going to achieve anything.
Jid (JID) n.
The piece of paper on top of the jam inside the jam jar.
Jofane (jo-FAYN) adj.
In breach of the laws of joke telling, e.g., giving away the punch line in advance.
Joliette (ZHO-lee-et) n.
(Old French) Polite word for a well-proportioned dog turd.
Joplin (JOP-lin) n.
The material from which all the clothes in Woolworth’s are made.
Jubones (JEW-bohnz) pl. n.
Awful things bought in Nairobi that never look good at home.
Jurby (JUR-bi) n.
A loose woolen garment reaching to the knees and with three or more armholes, knitted by the wearer’s well-meaning but incompetent aunt.
Juwain (ju-WAYN) adj.
Only slightly relevant to the matter in hand.
K
Kabwum (KAB-wum) n.
The cutesy humming noise you make as you go to kiss someone on the cheek.
Kalami (kal-AH-mee) n.
The ancient Eastern art of being able to fold road maps properly.
Kanturk (kan-TERK) n.
An extremely intricate knot originally used for belaying the topgallant foresheets of a gaff-rigged China clipper, and now more commonly observed when trying to get an old kite out of the cupboard under the stairs.
Keele (keel) n.
The horrible smell caused by washing ashtrays.
Kelling (KEL-ling) ptcpl. vb.
The action of looking for something all over again in all the places you’ve already looked.
Kenilworth (KEN-nul-werth) n.
A measure. Defined as that proportion of a menu which the waiter speaks that you can actually remember.
Kent (kent) adj.
Politely determined not to help despite a violent urge to the contrary. Kent expressions are seen on the faces of people who are good at something watching someone else who can’t do it at all.
Kentucky (ken-TUK-ee) adj.
Fitting exactly and satisfyingly. The cardboard