The Deeper Meaning of Liff - Douglas Adams [16]
Kerry (KER-ri) n.
The small twist of skin which separates each sausage on a string.
Kettering (KET-er-ing) n.
The marks left on your bottom or thighs after sunbathing on a wicker chair.
Kettleness (KET-tul-nes) adj.
The quality of not being able to pee while being watched.
Kibblesworth (KIB-bulz-werth) n.
The footling amount of money by which the price of a given article in a shop is less than a sensible number, in the hope that at least one idiot will think it cheap. For instance, the kibblesworth on a pair of shoes priced at $19.99 is I cent.
Kilvaxter (kil-VAKS-ter) n.
A pen kept in the desk tidy that never works.
Kimmeridge (KIM-er-idj) n.
The light breeze which blows through your armpit hair when you are stretched out sunbathing.
Kingston Bagpuise (KING-ston BAG-pweez) n.
A forty-year-old overweight man trying to commit suicide by jogging.
Kirby (KER-bee) n.
Small but repulsive piece of food prominently attached to a person’s face or clothing; chipping ongar (q.v.).
Kirby Misperton (KER-bee mis-PER-ton) n.
One who kindly attempts to wipe a kirby (q.v.) off another’s face with a napkin, and then discovers it to be a wart or other permanent fixture, is said to have committed a “kirby misperton.”
Kitmurvy (kit-MER-vee) n.
Man who owns all the latest sporting gadgetry and clothing (golf cart, tee cosies, ventilated shoes, Gary Player autographed tracksuit top, American navy cap, mirror sunglasses) but is still only on his second golf lesson.
Kittybrewster (kit-ee BROO-ster) n.
The girl who always offers to make the tea.
Klosters (KLOHS-terz) pl. n.
The little blobs of dried urine on the rim of the bowl under the seat.
Knaptoft (NAP-toft) n.
The mysterious fluff placed in your pockets by dry-cleaning firms.
Kowloon (kow-LOON) n.
One who goes to an Indian restaurant and orders an omelette.
Kurdistan (KOOR-dis-TAHN) n.
Hard stare given by a husband to his wife when he notices a sharp increase in the number of times he answers the phone to be told, “Sorry, wrong number.”
L
Lackawanna (LAK-ka-WAN-na) n.
The inability of a New York cabdriver to know where, for instance, Central Park is.
Lambarene (LAM-ba-reen) adj.
Feeling better for having put pajamas on.
Lamlash (LAM-lash) n.
The folder on hotel dressing tables full of astoundingly dull information.
Lampeter (LAM-pit-er) n.
The fifth member of a foursome.
Lampung (LAM-poong) n.
The daze which follows turning on the light in the middle of the night.
Largoward (LAH-goh-ord) n.
Motorists’ name for the kind of pedestrian who stands beside a main road and waves on the traffic, as if it’s his right of way.
Laxobigging (LAKS-oh-BIG-ing) ptcpl. vb.
Struggling to extrude an extremely large turd.
Le Touquet (lur TOO-kay) n.
A mere nothing, an unconsidered trifle, a negligible amount. Un touquet is often defined as the difference between the cost of a bottle of gin bought in a liquor store and one bought in a duty-free shop.
Leazes (LEE-zez) pl. n.
Irritating pains that your doctor tells you not to be so upset about.
Leeming (LEE-ming) prtcpl. n.
The business of making silly faces at babies.
Lemvig (LEM-vig) n.
A person who can be relied upon to be doing worse than you.
Libenge (LIGH-bendj) n.
Crystallized deposits of old cough mixture.
Libode (LIGH-bohd) adj.
Being undecided about whether or not you feel sexually attracted to someone.
Liff (lif) n.
A common object or experience for which no word yet exists.
Limassol (LIM-a-sol) n.
The correct name for one of those little paper umbrellas which come in cocktails with too much pineapple juice in them.
Lindisfarne (LIN-dis-farn) adj.
Descriptive of the pleasant smell of an empty biscuit tin.
Lingle (LING-gul) vb.
To touch battery terminals with one’s tongue.
Liniclate (LIN-i-klayt) adj.
All stiff and achy in the morning and trying to remember why.
Listowel (LIS-towl) n.
The small mat on the bar designed to be more