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Little Urswick (LIT-ul ERZ-wik) n.

The member of any class who most inclines the teacher toward the view that capital punishment should be introduced in schools.

Llanelli (khlan-EKHL-i) adj.

Descriptive of the waggling movement of a person’s hands when shaking water from them or warming up for a piece of workshop theater.

Loberia (lo-BEER-ee-ah) n.

Unshakable belief that your ears stick out.

Lochranza (lokh-RAN-zah) n.

The long unaccompanied wail in the middle of a Scottish folk song where the pipers nip round the corner for a couple of drinks.

Lolland (LOL-and) n.

A person with a low threshold of boredom.

Longniddry (LONG-NID-ree) n.

A droplet which persists in running out of your nose.

Lossiemouth (LOS-see-mowth) n.

One of those middle-aged ladies with just a hint of a luxuriant handlebar mustache.

Lostwithiel (los-WITH-ee-ul) n.

The deep and peaceful sleep you finally fall into two minutes before the alarm goes off.

Louth (LOWTH) n.

The sort of man who wears loud check jackets, has a personalized tankard behind the bar and always gets served before you do.

Low Ardwello (LOH ard-WEL-low) n.

Seductive remark made hopefully in the back of a taxi.

Low Eggborough (LOH EG-ber-ah) n.

A quiet little unregarded man in glasses who is building a new kind of atomic bomb in his garden shed.

Lower Peover (LOH-er PEE-oh-ver) n.

Common solution to the problem of a humby (q.v.).

Lowestoft (LOH-es-toft) n.

The correct name for “navel fluff.”

Lowther (LOW-ther) vb.

(Of a large group of people who have been to the cinema together) To stand aimlessly about on the pavement and argue about whether to go and eat either a Chinese meal nearby or an Indian meal at a restaurant which somebody says is very good but isn’t certain where it is, or just go home, or have a Chinese meal nearby—until by the time agreement is reached everything is shut.

Lubcroy (LUB-kroy) n.

The telltale little lump in the top of your swimming trunks which tells you you are going to have to spend half an hour with a safety pin trying to pull the drawstring out again.

Lublin (LUB-lin) n.

The bit of somebody’s body which their partner particularly likes.

Ludlow (LUD-loh) n.

A wad of newspaper, folded table napkin or lump of cardboard put under a wobbly table or chair to make it stand up straight. It is perhaps not widely known that air ace Sir Douglas Bader used to get about on an enormous pair of ludlows before he had his artificial legs fitted.

Luffenham (LUF-en-um) n.

Feeling you get when the pubs aren’t going to be open for another forty-five minutes and the luffness (q.v.) is beginning to wear a bit thin.

Luffness (LUF-nes) n.

Hearty feeling that comes from walking on the moors with rubber boots and cold ears.

Lulworth (LUL-wurth) n.

(Measure of conversation) A lulworth defines the amount of the length, loudness and embarrassment of a statement you make when everyone else in the room unaccountably stops talking at the same moment.

Luppitt (LUP-pit) n.

The piece of leather which hangs off the bottom of your shoe before you can be bothered to get it mended.

Lupridge (LUP-ridj) n.

A bubble behind a piece of wallpaper.

Lusby (LUZ-bee) n.

The fold of flesh pushing forward over the top of a bra which is too small for the lady inside it.

Luton (LOO-tn) n.

The horseshoe-shaped rug which goes around a lavatory seat.

Lutton Gowts (LUT-ton-GOWTS) n.

The opposite of green thumbs—the effortless propensity to cause plant death.

Lybster (LIB-ster) n.

The artificial chuckle in the voice-over at the end of a supposedly funny television commercial.

Lydd (LID) n.

A lid. A lydd differs from a lid in that it has nothing to be a lid of, is at least eighteen months old, and is sold in Ye Olde Antique Shoppes.

Lydiard Tregoze (LID-ee-ard tre-GOHZ) n.

The opposite of a mavis enderby (q.v.). An unrequited early love of your life who inexplicably still causes terrible pangs even though she married a telephone engineer.

Lyminster (LIGH-min-ster) n.

A homosexual vicar.

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