The Deeper Meaning of Liff - Douglas Adams [30]
Wroot (ROOT) n.
A short little berk who thinks that by pulling on his pipe and gazing shrewdly at you he will give the impression that he is infinitely wise and six feet, two inches tall.
Wubin (WOO-bin) n.
The metal foil container which Chinese meals come in.
Wyoming (wigh-OH-ming) ptcpl. vb.
Moving in hurried desperation from one cubicle to another in a public lavatory trying to find one that has a lock on the door, a seat on the bowl and no brown streaks on the seat.
Y
Yalardy (ya-LAR-dee) n.
An illness which you know you’ve got but which the thermometer refuses to acknowledge.
Yarmouth (YAR-muth) vb.
To shout at foreigners in the belief that the louder you speak, the better they’ll understand you.
Yate (YAYT) n.
Dishearteningly white piece of bread that sits limply in a pop-up toaster during a protracted throcking (q.v.) session.
Yebra (YEE-brah) n.
A cross between a zebra and anything else which fancies zebras.
Yesnaby (YES-nay-bee) n.
A “yes, maybe” which means “no.”
Yetman (YET-man) n.
A yes-man who is waiting to see whom it would be most advantageous to agree with.
Yonder Bognie (YON-der-BOG-nee) n.
The kind of restaurant advertised as “just three minutes from this cinema” which clearly nobody ever goes to and, even if they had ever contemplated it, have certainly changed their mind since seeing the ad.
Yonkers (YON-kerz) n.
(Rare) The combined thrill of pain and shame when being caught in public plucking your nostril hairs and stuffing them into your side pocket.
York (YAWK) vb.
To shift the position of the shoulder straps on a heavy bag or rucksack in a vain attempt to make it seem lighter. Hence: to laugh falsely and heartily at an unfunny remark.
“Jasmine yorked politely, loathing him to the depths of her being.”
-Virginia Woolf
Z
Zafrilla (za-FRIL-ah) n.
A garment that even Zsa Zsa Gabor would not deign to wear.
Zagreb (za-GREB) n.
A stranger who suddenly clutches an intimate part of your body and then pretends he did it to prevent himself from falling.
Zeal Monachorum (ZEEL mon-a-KOR-um) n.
(Skiing term) To ski with “zeal monachorum” is to descend the top three-quarters of the mountain in a quivering blue funk, but on arriving at the gentle bit just in front of the restaurant to whizz to a stop like a victorious slalom champion.
Zeerust (ZEE-rust) n.
The particular kind of datedness which afflicts things that were originally designed to look futuristic.
Zigong (ZEE-gong) n.
Screeching skid made by cartoon character prior to turning around and running back in the opposite direction.
Zlatibor (ZLAT-i-bawr) n.
(Hungarian) A prince of the blood royal temporarily forced to seek employment as a waiter.
Zod (ZOD) n.
An irritating lump which sticks out from the main body. Hence:
1. A bit of cement which sits proud of the brickwork. 2. A drip of paint on the windowpane. 3. The knob of surplus butter on a corner of toast. 4. Geraldo Rivera’s head.
Zumbo (ZUM-boh) n.
One who pretends not to know that the muffler has fallen off his car.
Appendix
Index of Meanings
A
abuse
scissor: Nogdam End
self, post: Sloinge
self, sinister: Southwick
acquaintances
remote: Ardcrony
who should be more remote: Corfu
acronyms, uselessness of: Cafu
actors
dreadful, amateur: Aberbeeg
dreadful, amateur, lopsided: Oundle
dreadful, fruity: Hordle
dreadful, obese: Pantperthog
dreadful, Scottish, cravat-wearing: Glenduckie
dreadful, Shakespearian: Damnaglaur
dreadful, stained: Multan
Adair, Red: Esher
afternoon
four o’clock in the: Brymbo, Farnham
wasted in front of the television: Gonnabarn
airports
behavior of luggage in: Adlestrop
cursed: Aird of Sleat
alarms
burglar: Framlingham
false: Godalming
silent: Duleek
untimely: Lostwithiel
Albania, unpleasant beverages of: Naas
algae, trouser: Huttoft
Americans
brain-dead: Lackawanna
who aren’t fooling anybody: Ompton
amounts
contentious: Bodmin
footling: Kibblesworth
piddling: Le Touquet
anatomy
alarming discoveries about someone’s: Wartnaby
close proximity