The Deeper Meaning of Liff - Douglas Adams [6]
Clabby (KLAB-bi) adj.
A clabby conversation is one struck up by a commissionaire or cleaning lady in order to avoid any further actual work. The opening gambit is usually designed to provoke the maximum onfusion, and therefore the longest possible clabby conversation. It is vitally important to learn the correct, or clixby (q.v.), response to a clabby gambit, and not to get trapped by a ditherington (q.v.). For instance, if confronted with a clabby gambit such as “Oh Mr. Smith, I didn’t know you’d had your leg off,” the ditherington response is “I haven’t…” whereas the clixby is “Good.”
Clackavoid (KLAK-a-void) n.
The technical term for a single page of script from an Australian soap opera.
Clackmannan (klak-MAN’n) n.
The sound made by knocking over an elephant’s-foot umbrella stand full of walking sticks.
Clathy (KLATH-i) adj.
Nervously indecisive about how safely to dispose of a dud light bulb.
Clenchwarton (KLENCH-war-ton) n.
(Archaic) One who assists an exorcist by squeezing whichever part of the possessed the exorcist deems useful.
Climpy (KLIM-pee) adj.
Allowing yourself to be persuaded to do something and pretending to be reluctant.
Clingman’s Dome (KLING-manz DOHM) n.
The condition in which it becomes impossible to put on a tie correctly when in a hurry for an important meeting.
Clixby (KLIKS-bee) adj.
Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative.
Cloates Point (KLOHTS point) n.
The precise instant at which scrambled eggs are ready.
Clonmult (clon-MULT) n.
A yellow ooze usually found near secretions of buldoo (q.v.) and sadberge (q.v.).
Clovis (KLOH-vis) n.
One who actually looks forward to putting up the Christmas decorations in the office.
Clun (KLUN) n.
A leg which has gone to sleep and has to be hauled around after you.
Clunes (KLOONS) pl. n.
People who just won’t go.
Coilantogle (KOY-lan-toh-gul) n.
(Vulg.) Long elasticated loop of snot which connects a pulled bogey to a nose.
Condover (KON-doh-ver) n.
One who is employed to stand about all day browsing through the magazine rack at a newsstand.
Cong (kong) n.
Strange-shaped metal utensil found at the back of the saucepan cupboard. Many authorities believe that congs provide conclusive proof of the existence of a now-extinct form of yellow vegetable which the Victorians used to boil mercilessly.
Coodardy (koo-DAH-dee) adj.
Astounded at what you’ve just managed to get away with.
Corfe (kawf) n.
An object which is almost totally indistinguishable from a newspaper, the one crucial difference being that it belongs to somebody else and is unaccountably more interesting than your own—which may otherwise appear to be in all respects identical. Though it is a rule of life that a train or other public place may contain any number of corfes but only one newspaper, it is quite possible to transform your own perfectly ordinary newspaper into a corfe by the simple expedient of letting someone else read it.
Corfu (kor-FOO) n.
The dullest person you met during the course of your holiday. Also the only one who failed to understand that the exchanging of addresses at the end of a holiday is merely a social ritual and is absolutely not an invitation to phone you or turn up unannounced on your doorstep three months later.
Corriearklet (kor-ee-ARK-let) n.
The moment at which two people, approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognize each other and immediately pretend they haven’t. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognizing each other the whole length of the corridor.
Corriecravie (kor-ee-KRAY-vee) n.
To avert the horrors of corrievorrie (q.v.), corriecravie is usually employed. This is the cowardly but highly skilled process by which both protagonists continue to approach while keeping up the pretense that they haven’t noticed