The Deeper Meaning of Liff - Douglas Adams [8]
Deal (deel) n.
The gummy substance found between damp toes.
Dean Funes (DEEN FEWNZ) pl. n.
Things that clergymen opine on that are none of their damn business.
Delaware (DEL-a-wair) n.
The hideous stuff on the shelves of a rented house.
Des Moines (de MOYN) pl. n.
The two little lines that come down from your nose.
Detchant (DEH-chant) n.
The part of the hymn (usually a few notes at the end of the verse) where the tune goes so high or low that you suddenly have to change octaves to accommodate it.
Deventer (de-VEN-ter) n.
A decision that’s very hard to make because so little depends on it—like which way to walk around a park.
Dewlish (DEW-lish) adj.
(Of the hands and feet) Prunelike after an overlong bath.
Didcot (DID-kot) n.
The tiny oddly shaped bit of card which a ticket inspector cuts out of a ticket with his clipper for no apparent reason. It is a little-known fact that the confetti at Princess Margaret’s wedding was made up of thousands of didcots collected by inspectors on the Royal Train.
Dillytop (DIL-ee-top) n.
The kind of bath plug which for some unaccountable reason is actually designed to sit on top of the hole rather than fit into it.
Dinder (DIN-der) vb.
To nod thoughtfully while someone gives you a long and complex set of directions which you know you’re never going to remember.
Dinsdale (DINZ-dayl) n.
One who always plays “Chopsticks” on the piano.
Dipple (DIP-pul) vb.
To try to remove a sticky something from one hand with the other, thus causing it to get stuck to the other hand and eventually to anything else you try to remove it with.
Ditherington (DITH-er-ing-tn) n.
Sudden access of panic experienced by one who realizes that he is being drawn inexorably into a clabby (q.v.) conversation, i.e., one he has no hope of enjoying, benefiting from or understanding.
Dobwalls (DOB-wawls) pl. n.
The now-hardboiled bits of nastiness which have to be picked off crockery by hand after it has been through a dishwasher.
Dockery (DOK-er-ee) n.
Facetious behavior adopted by an accused man in the mistaken belief that this will endear him to the judge.
Dogdyke (DOG-dyk) vb.
Of dog owners, to adopt the absurd pretense that the animal shitting in the gutter has nothing to do with them.
Dolgellau (dol-GEL-ow) n.
The clump, or cluster, of bored, quietly enraged, mildly embarrassed men waiting for their wives to come out of a changing room in a dress shop.
Dorchester (DAW-ches-ter) n.
Someone else’s throaty cough which obscures the crucial part of the rather amusing remark you’ve just made.
Dorridge (DOR-ridj) n.
Technical term for one of the very lame excuses written in very small print on the side of packets of food or detergent powder to explain why there’s hardly anything inside. Examples include “Contents may have settled in transit” and “To keep biscuits fresh, they have been individually wrapped in silver paper and cellophane and separated with corrugated lining, a cardboard flap and heavy industrial tires.”
Draffan (DRAF-an) n.
An infuriating person who always manages to look much more dashing than anyone else by turning up unshaven and hung over at a formal party.
Drebley (DREB-li) n.
Name for a shop which is supposed to be witty but is in fact wearisome, e.g., “The Frock Exchange,” “Hair Apparent,” etc.
Droitwich (DROYT-wich) n.
A street dance. The two partners approach from opposite directions and try politely to get out of each other’s way. They step to the left, step to the right, apologize, step to the left again, bump into each other and repeat as often as unnecessary.
Drumsna (DRUMZ-ner) n.
The earthquake that occurs when a character in a cartoon runs into a wall.
Dubbo (DUB-oh) n.
The bruise or callus on the shoulder of someone who has been knighted unnecessarily often.
Dubuque (de-BEWK) n.
A look given by a superior person to someone who has arrived wearing the wrong sort of shoes.
Duddo (DUD-doh) n.
The most deformed potato in any given collection of potatoes.
Dufton (DUF-tn) n.
The last page of a document that you always leave facedown in the photocopier