The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [96]
Summary
Few people ever consider the effect that Body and Foot Pointing play in influencing the attitudes and the responses of others. If you want to make others feel comfortable, use the forty-five-degree Open Position and, when you need to exert pressure, use the direct body point. The forty-five-degree position allows the other person to think and act independently, without feeling pressured. Never approach men directly from the front or women from behind.
These Body-Pointing skills take a little practice to master but they can become natural before long. In your day-to-day encounters with others, Foot Pointing, Body Pointing, and positive gesture clusters such as open arms, visible palms, leaning forward, head tilting, and smiling can make it easy for others not only to enjoy your company, but to be influenced by your point of view.
Chapter 15
COURTSHIP DISPLAYS AND
ATTRACTION SIGNALS
1. A man and woman approaching on a beach
2. They see each other
3. They pass
Dr. Albert Scheflen, author of Body Language and the Social Order, found that when a person enters the company of the opposite sex, certain physiological changes take place. He found that high muscle tone became evident in preparation for a possible sexual encounter, “bagging” around the face and eyes decreased, body sagging disappeared, the chest protruded, the stomach was automatically pulled in, potbellied slumping disappeared, the body assumed an erect posture, and the person seemed to become more youthful in appearance. He noted that both men and women walked with a livelier, springier gait as a display of health and vitality and to convey their suitability as a partner. A man will stand taller, protrude his jaw, and expand his chest to make himself appear dominant. A woman who is interested will respond by emphasizing her breasts, tilting her head, touching her hair, exposing her wrists, thereby making herself appear submissive.
The ideal place to observe these changes is on a beach when a man and a woman approach each other from a distance. The changes take place when they are close enough to meet each other's gaze and will continue until after they have passed each other, at which time their original posture returns.
Body language is a fundamental part of courtship because it reveals how available, attractive, ready, enthusiastic, sexy, or desperate we are. While some courtship signals are studied and deliberate, others, such as those just mentioned, are completely unconscious. It is still unclear how we learn these signals, but research now shows that many may be inborn.
The Emergence of the Colorful Male
In the majority of mammals, it's the male that “dresses up” to impress the less-than-colorful females. Humans, however, do it the other way around. For centuries, women have done most of the sexual advertising by decorating themselves in colorful clothing and jewelry and painting their faces. The exception to this was during the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries in Europe, when men adorned themselves with beautiful wigs and colorful clothing and outdressed the average woman. Keep in mind also that, historically, while women have dressed to attract men, men have dressed in clothing to either show status or to frighten away enemies. Today we see the re-emergence of the self-obsessed male who is again beginning to decorate himself like a peacock. We see footballers having facials and manicures, and wrestlers tinting their hair. In the U.S.A. we have seen the emergence of the “metrosexual” male—a heterosexual male who copies women's behavior patterns—he has manicures, pedicures, and hair coloring, wears fancy clothes, goes to the jacuzzi, eats organic vegetarian food, has Botox, a face-lift, and is in touch with his “feminine side.” While the metrosexual male seems an oddity to many straight men, our observation shows metrosexuals fall