The Everything Kids' Giant Book of Jokes, Riddles, and Brain Teasers - Michael Dahl [11]
Bowling. You can hear a pin drop.
What's the noisiest sport in the world?
Tennis. There's always a racket on the court.
Why is a baseball stadium such a cool place to be?
It's full of fans!
Did you hear about the quarterback who beat up his receiver every morning?
The quarterback gets up at six, and the receiver gets up at seven.
Golfer: Boy, the traps on this golf course are sure annoying.
Pro: I'll say, so would you please shut yours?
I heard there was a baseball team that won without ever putting a man on base.
Yeah, it was an all-girl team!
Angry Golfer: You must be the world's worst caddy!
Caddy: Oh no, that would be too much of a coincidence.
“There are two things the golf pro will not eat for breakfast.”
“Really, what are they?”
“Lunch and dinner.”
Why didn't the golfer wear his new shoes on the course today?
Because yesterday he got a hole in one.
Little Rosie was telling her friend about all the places her family had lived. “We must have lived in ten different towns since I was a baby.” Her friend was impressed and asked, “Is your dad a minister or in the Army?” “Neither,” said Rosie, “he's a football coach.”
A fellow took his younger brother to the golf course with his pals. The younger boy thought he'd play his first game. He watched all the older boys tee off, and then stepped up to hit the ball.
“ONE!” he yelled, as he swung at the ball.
His brother rolled his eyes and said, “Why didn't you yell ‘Fore’ like the rest of us?”
The boy said, “You aim at whichever hole you want, I'm trying to hit the first one.”
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.”
— Will Rogers
Why was Cinderella such a lousy soccer player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach.
A mother brought her daughter to the golf course for the first time.
“What are those guys doing over there?” she asked her mother.
“They're checking out the sand traps.”
“Cool, let's go see if they caught any.”
Caddie: Here's a lost ball I found out on the course.
Boss: How do you know it was lost?
Caddie: Because they were still looking for it when I left.
Golfer: Any idea how I could cut about ten strokes off my game?
Caddie: Yeah, quit on the seventeenth hole.
VIDEO QUIPS (PUNNY NAMES)
Car Wars
directed by Otto Mobile
Cliff Hanger
directed by Ben Dover and Hugo First
I Was a Teenage Werewolf
directed by Anita Shave
Under the Bleachers
directed by Seymour Butts
Summer Vacation
directed by Sandy Beech
Explode!
directed by Adam Bomm
The Fortune Teller
directed by Horace Cope
Escape from New York
directed by Willy Makit
Escape from New York, Part Two
directed by Betty Will
Saved by the Bell
directed by Justin Tyme
Jokin' Around
The Expanding Envelope
Tell your friends that you can walk through an envelope. That's right! Through an envelope. No one will believe you, but that's never stopped you before.
First, seal your envelope. Next, using scissors, carefully cut the envelope along the lines shown below. Cut into the body of the envelope and the sides … NOT the ends.
You will be able to carefully unfold your cut envelope into a much larger hoop. Step through the hoop. See, you've done it again!
Seeing Dead People
directed by Freyda Thudark
Who Wants To be a Zillionaire?
directed by Sherwood B. Nice.
The Pizza Guy
directed by Ann Chovey
Scary Movie
directed by Hans Archer Throte
Incredible Airplane Crashes!
directed by Isaac DeMye Stumick
Rock-and-Roll Prom
directed by Tristan Shout
The Last Video Game
directed by Joyce Tick
King of Comedy
directed by Shirley U. Jest
Lost Treasure
directed by Barry Deep
The Ghost Screams at Midnight
directed by Waylon Mone
Night of the Cat Burglar
directed by Jimmy DeLock
“The role of the comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.”
— Lenny Bruce
Dinosaur Park
directed by Tara Dacktill
Revenge of the Mad Cow
directed by I. C. Hanz
Chickens Run
directed by Iona Farm
Return of the Zombies
directed by Doug Moregraves
All Those Dogs!
directed by Hunter