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Have you ever noticed how few handsome men or beautiful women are comedians? There are a few exceptions: Cary Grant, Carole Lombard, Tom Selleck, Cybill Shepherd, Julia-Louis Dreyfus. Woody Allen, the director of Sleeper, Bullets Over Broadway, Bananas, and Annie Hall, has his own theory. “Funny and pretty are opposites,” he says. But the standup comic Mort Sahl has a different idea. He enjoyed telling jokes, he says, because to him “people always look better when they laugh.”

Bruce Vilanch, the incredibly busy Hollywood writer, widely known for his stint as the big, blond funnyman on Hollywood Squares, shares this advice about writing comedy: “Rewriting is really what good writing is all about!” Asked if there is any subject he would not write a joke about, Vilanch replies: “My rule of thumb is, did anybody die? It's difficult to do a joke in which death is involved … it's just cruel.”

CLASSIC ONE-LINERS

A one-liner is a joke that is told in one line or sentence. Or else several phrases are strung together and spoken without a break. For example: My room is so small …

I closed the door and the doorknob was in bed with me.

the mice are hunchbacked.

when I turn around, I'm next door.

I put the key in the keyhole and broke the window.

I have to go outside to change my mind.

when I stand up I'm on the second floor.

the ceiling gets dusted whenever I comb my hair.

Words to Know

One-liner: a joke that is told in one line or sentence

MORE ONE-LINERS

A mummy is an Egyptian who's pressed for time.

I saw a sign on the back of a truck: “Careful Passing. I Like to Chew Tobacco.”

I'm a terrible cook. All the gingerbread boys

I make are nearsighted so I've started using contact raisins.

What do you get if you cross a hill with an electric stove?

A mountain range.

My mom went to the beauty salon and got a mud pack — for three days she looked great — then the mud fell off.

The standup comic Henny Youngman is called the King of the One-Liners. Rodney Dangerfield and Steven Wright are also terrific one-line jokesters. Here's one of Wright's loopy one-liners: “I live on a one-way, deadend street. I don't know how I got there.”

MEDICAL MARVELS

PUMP UP THE LAUGHTER

Did you know that by simply telling a joke you are exercising 72 different muscles in your neck, throat, mouth, and tongue? Laughing uses over 100 muscles. No wonder some people say they “laughed 'til they hurt.” They just had a workout without even realizing it!

A JOKE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY

Dr. Lee Berk of the Loma Linda School of Public Health in California discovered that laughing increases the body's antibodies and T cells, which help fight off infection and alien bacteria.

Dr. William Fry of Stanford University says that laughing 200 times will burn up the same amount of calories as 10 minutes on a rowing machine.

Does that make Dumb and Dumber a workout video?

FUNNY BONE

Your funny bone isn't actually a bone, it's a nerve — the ulnar nerve, in fact. This nerve is exposed as it travels over the medial condyle of the humerus, er, the bony knob at the end of your upper arm. Some clever (and unknown) medical student saw the punny resemblance between the words “humerus” and “humorous” and created the notion of the funny bone. Hitting your funny bone, however, is no laughing matter!

Comic Biography

Quick on Her Feet

Carol Burnett, the former queen of prime time comedy (1967–1979), was getting out of a taxicab in front of the TV studio. She accidentally slammed the door shut on her coat and the oblivious cabbie took off. Carol was forced to run along side in order not to be dragged off her feet. After running several blocks, she was finally rescued by a pedestrian who hailed the cab and brought the vehicle to a stop.

The cabbie, now realizing what had happened, jumped out of his car and ran to Carol's side. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“Fine,” panted Carol. “But how much more do I owe you?”

TONGUE TWISTERS

Attempt to articulate these tricky tongue-tanglers quickly in triplicate.

Red leather, yellow leather.

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