The Everything Kids' Giant Book of Jokes, Riddles, and Brain Teasers - Michael Dahl [24]
Rubber baby buggy-bumpers.
The sixth shiek's sixth sheep is sick.
The skunk sat on a stump, the skunk thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
The clothes moth's mouth's closed.
She shall sell seashells.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Bugs' black blood.
Eight apes ate eight apples.
Cool clean canned clams.
A stiff stack of thick steaks.
Toyboat, toyboat, toyboat.
IN THE BAG
A guy was trying to cross the border into the next country on his bicycle. Two suspicious-looking bags were tied to the back of the bike.
The border guards stopped him and said, “Hey, buddy, what's in the bags?”
“Sand,” said the man.
The guards pulled off the two bags and examined them. They both contained only sand, just as the man said, so they waved him through the border.
This went on each week for six months. And each time the guards examined the bags they still found only sand.
One week the man stopped coming. One of the guards ran into the man downtown after work.
“Hey buddy,” said the guard. “You sure had us going. We knew you were smuggling something.”
The man just grinned.
“C'mon and tell me,” whispered the guard. “I won't say anything. What were you smuggling?”
“Bicycles,” said the man.
BURMA-SHAVE: THE UNKNOWN COMIC WITH AN EDGE
Years ago, when American families motored through the heartland on their way to a favorite vacation spot, they looked forward to reading the silly rhymes posted along the highways by the Burma-Shave company. Burma-Shave was a shaving cream for men, and the clever rhymes were posted — one line at a time — along highways and back roads all over the country. Kids and grownups tried to guess what the next rhyme would be before they drove past it. The highway poet remains anonymous, but here are a few of his, or her, best rhymes, broken up into separate lines as they appeared on separate signs along the way.
Ben
Met Anna
Made a hit
Neglected beard
Ben-Anna Split.
Burma-Shave.
The whale
Put Jonah
Down the hatch
But coughed him up
Because he scratched.
Burma-Shave.
Does your husband
Misbehave
Grunt and rumble
Rant and rave?
Shoot the brute
Some Burma-Shave.
THE NICKNAME GAME
Why do they call her Volleyball?
She's got plenty of bounce.
Why do they call him Birdseed?
He fits the bill.
Jokin' Around
Goin' Bowling
The family went bowling one night and brought seven-year-old Stevie for the first time. Along with the rest of the family, Stevie laced up his bowling shoes and then went to select a ball. Everyone else chose one, but Stevie could not make up his mind.
Ten minutes went by and finally Father said, “Stevie, just pick a ball. We don't have all night.”
“But I can't!” wailed Stevie. “Every ball I pick up has holes in it!”
Why do they call her Icecube?
She's so cool.
Why do they call him Ace?
He's such a card.
Why do they call her Strawberry?
She's good in a jam.
Why do they call him Needles?
He's so sharp.
Why do they call her Sunny?
She's so bright.
Why do they call him Fingers?
You can always count on him.
Why do they call her Sugar?
She's so refined.
Why do they call him Fleece?
He's always on the lam.
Why do they call him Buck?
He's got a lot of cents.
Why do they call you Mushroom?
Because I'm a fun guy!
GOOFBALLS
Brother: How can you tell that elephants like to swim?
Sister: They always have their trunks on.
“Dad! There's a giant monster under my bed.”
“Don't be silly. There's no such thing.”
“Then how come I can touch the ceiling with my nose?”
Mother: Jimmy, your ear is bleeding!
Jimmy: I know, I accidentally bit it.
Mother: How could you bite your own ear?
Jimmy: I was standing on a chair.
Troy: Hey, what time does your new watch say?
Jimmy: It doesn't say anything. I have to look at it.
Troy: Don't be such a smart aleck!Jimmy: Yeah? Well, what does yours say?
Troy: Tick, tick, tick, tick.
Why are the keys on this piano so yellow?
The elephant must have forgotten to brush.
Mother: You sent Jimmy down to the hardware store