The Everything Kids' Giant Book of Jokes, Riddles, and Brain Teasers - Michael Dahl [7]
“I think this must be a human cemetery,” said the first Martian. “See that marker over there? It's a gravestone. And it gives the human's age, too — one hundred and two.”
“What was his name?” asked the second Martian.
“Miles to Milwaukee.”
PROFESSOR FRUITCAKE
Did you hear about the mad scientist who married the Amish woman?
He drove her buggy.
Did you hear about the mad scientist who worked for the woman peanut farmer?
He made her nuts.
Did you hear about the mad scientist who trained the Olympic diver?
He sent him off the deep end.
Did you hear about the mad scientist who worked with the bungee jumper?
He pushed him over the edge.
Did you hear about the poor little baby who stayed with the mad scientist?
It went ga-ga.
Did you hear about the rocket experts who hired the mad scientist?
They went ballistic.
HINKY-PINKYS
What's a phony serpent?
A fake snake.
What do you call a chubby dog?
A round hound.
What's a big dance in a cemetery?
A grave rave.
What's a purple gorilla?
A grape ape.
What do phantoms eat for breakfast?
Ghost toast.
What's a frightening pet bird?
A scary canary.
What's a glove for a small cat?
A kitten mitten.
What's a happy-go-lucky Thanksgiving bird?
A perky turkey.
What do you call a frog whose car broke down?
A towed toad.
Hink Pink Kriss Kross
The answers to these Hink Pinks are two rhyming words of one syllable each. Fill each answer into the numbered Kriss Kross grid. Surprise — you've got one done!
ACROSS
3 happy boy
4 a fruity drink at noon
6 a cooking vessel that's not cool
8 a counterfeit reptile
10 a musical piece that's not short
11 home of a small rodent
12 large amount of fake hair
13 enjoyable joke that makes you groan
DOWN
1 a sick dollar
2 football players yelling together
3 great group of marching musicians
5 a chilly place to swim
7 skinny female monarch
9 large branch
Who works at a school for monsters?
A creature teacher.
What do you call a tired tent?
A sleepy teepee.
Who's the spooky leader of a church?
A sinister minister.
What's do you call a magician who works with reptiles?
A lizard wizard.
What's a fish who works in the operating room?
A sturgeon surgeon.
What do you call your crazy best friend?
A nutty buddy.
What do you call your pet pooch that got caught in the rain?
A soggy doggy.
What do you call a parent with six crying babies?
A diaper wiper!
What do you call Her Royal Highness's denim pants?
The Queen's jeans.
What do you call that dumb little guy who flies around and shoots arrows on Valentine's Day?
Stupid Cupid.
What's reddish yellow and helps a door swing back and forth?
An orange door hinge.
RING THE DOORBELL! (KNOCK KNOCK JOKES)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sarah.
Sarah who?
Sarah a doctor in the house?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Amos.
Amos who?
A mosquito bit me!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie bit me again!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy you want to go to the movies?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Juicy.
Juicy who?
Juicy who threw that snowball at me?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy! It's Halloween!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sharon.
Sharon who?
Sharon share alike.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Wilfred.
Wilfred who?
Will Fred come out and play today?
“In the end, everything is a gag.”
— Charlie Chaplin
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any cookies left?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Iris.
Iris who?
I received a package in the mail.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hugh.
Hugh who?
Yoo-hoo to you, too!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Rita.
Rita who?
Rita good book lately?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Why are you crying?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
William.
William who?
William make me dinner if I stop knocking?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ira.
Ira who?
Ira member you, why don't you remember me?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Upton.
Upton